


Timeless Time

by NavajoLovesDestiel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe, Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blow Jobs, Bottom Dean, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Switching, Therapy, Top Castiel, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-14
Updated: 2018-06-14
Packaged: 2019-05-23 08:27:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 20
Words: 20,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14930735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NavajoLovesDestiel/pseuds/NavajoLovesDestiel
Summary: “So, what’s a good-looking guy like you doing in a dump like this alone?”Cas looked at him like Dean had suddenly grown a second head.“Are you actually trying to pick me up with a lame line like that?”“Not good?” Dean took a sip of his whiskey.Cas laughed. “Not good at all. You need to brush up on your pick up technique.”Dean sat back and looked Cas up and down. “So, help me out then. What should I have said?”Cas looked at him and those eyes made Dean feel a flutter in his stomach.“Hello. I couldn't help noticing you were alone. Do you mind some company? May I buy you a drink?”Dean smiled. “Hello. I couldn’t help noticing you were alone. Do you mind some company? May I buy you a drink?”Cas threw his head back and laughed.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Some notes on this story need to be made.  
> First and most important: MIND THE TAGS! This is about child molestation and PTSD. If you are triggered by either of these things, then this is not the story for you.
> 
> About the title: I smoke cigarettes (yeah yeah keep your judgement to yourself) and we buy a kind named Timeless Time (they're made in Korea, thus the strange name). It always struck me as a good anaolgy for my disassociating. I am a survivor of on-going childhood molestation and PTSD. It left me with a disassociative disorder.  
> It is a lot like being in a timeless time. I know time has passed and yet, I have no recollection or memory of what happnened while I was 'gone'. (Note, I do not have MPD, just disassociate sometimes)  
> I started writing this as a sort of way to deal with my PTSD bothering me, but it became so much more. I love this story. I really hope you do too.

 

Dean woke up sweating and crying.He cursed and rolled over, punching his pillow. He’d had the dream again. He had it about once a month, and it never failed to piss him off. Why couldn’t he just forget about it? No matter how he tried, it was always there.

He could still hear his Dad’s voice, deep and growling, “Boy, go to your room and get ready for me.”

At least it had gotten better over the years. He used to wake up, frozen and unable to move, hearing heavy footsteps walking down the hall, pausing on the other side of his door and then the doorknob turning. 

He’d never told a soul about what his Dad did to him, although he knew Sammy suspected something. They’d never talked about it and never would, as far as Dean was concerned.

He’d finally gotten big enough and brave enough to stand up. He stood his ground and told John that if he ever tried to touch him again, Dean would kill him. John could see he meant it. Dean also told him if he ever touched Sam, there would be the same result. 

John had left him alone after that. But the damage was already done. He was broken in ways he knew would never be fixed.

He’s never had a relationship with anyone. It was all just one night stands, maybe a weekend, or hurried sex in bathroom stalls. That was all he wanted, all he needed.

This night found him in a gay bar he frequented when he felt itchy. He leaned against the bar, well into his third whiskey, and looked around. That’s when he saw the guy.

He sat alone in the corner. He was nursing a beer and looked lonesome. Dean thought he was about the handsomest man he’d ever seen. He considered it. What the hell, all the guy could do was turn him down.

He sauntered to the guy’s table.

“Hey, can I buy you a drink?”

The guy looked up and his eyes took Dean’s breath away. They were the bluest eyes he’d ever seen.

“Uh, sure, I guess…” The man’s gravely voice gave Dean goosebumps.

Dean signaled the bartender and sat down.

“I’m Dean.”

The guy looked at him for a couple of beats. “I’m Cas.”

“So, what’s a good-looking guy like you doing in a dump like this alone?”

Cas looked at him like Dean had suddenly grown a second head.

“Are you actually trying to pick me up with a lame line like that?”

The waitress brought their drinks, so it gave Dean a moment to recover.

“Not good?” Dean took a sip of his whiskey.

Cas laughed. “Not good at all. You need to brush up on your pick up technique.”

Dean sat back and looked Cas up and down. “So, help me out then. What should I have said?”

Cas looked at him and those eyes made Dean feel a flutter in his stomach.

“Hello. I couldn't help noticing you were alone. Do you mind some company? May I buy you a drink?”

Dean smiled. “Hello. I couldn’t help noticing you were alone. Do you mind some company? May I buy you a drink?”

Cas threw his head back and laughed. 

“Yeah, that’s better. So, Dean, what do you do for a living?”

This led to them chatting in a way that was totally foreign to Dean. Dean talked about his job as a mechanic and Cas talked about his job as a computer tech. They discussed music, and both had a taste for classic rock. Movies were touched on, and then it was last call. Dean was amazed they had been talking that long.

Cas looked at him and tilted his head in a way that Dean thought was fucking cute.

“So, to continue the reason you came to my table in the first place, want to go home with me?”

Dean grinned. “Sure do! Come on.”

They walked out to their respective cars, with Dean saying he’d follow Cas. It wasn’t too far, and Dean pulled into a parking spot next to Cas’ car.

They got out and Cas led the way to his apartment door. He unlocked it and reached in to turn on a light.

Dean walked in and looked around. It was very neat and tidy. Cas followed him in and shut the door.

“Nice, Cas.”

Cas grinned. “Thanks. It’s not much, but it’s all I need.”

Dean felt awkward in a way that was completely foreign to him. Normally, he’d be half naked by now. He rubbed a hand over the back of his neck.

“You want a beer?”

Dean was relieved. “Yeah, thanks, Cas.”

Cas went to the kitchen and came back with two bottles. He handed one to Dean and sat next to him on the couch.

They sat in silence for a few minutes. Then Cas turned to him.”Top or bottom?”

Dean smiled. “I’m a bottom. I sure hope you’re a top, Cas. Probably should have asked before this.”

Cas smiled back. “No problem, I’m a top, Dean. I kind of figured you for a bottom or I would have asked.”

Dean was amazed. Men usually had him pegged for a top because of how aggressive he could be. 

“You did, huh? I don’t get that much, most guys have me as a top.”

Cas tilted his head. “I’m surprised. You have a very soft way about you, Dean.”

Dean couldn’t believe his ears. “Soft? Me? No one has ever accused me of coming off soft.”

Cas sighed. “Maybe it’s just me, then.”

Cas sat his bottle down on the coffee table and turned to Dean. He reached out his hands and put them on either side of Dean’s face and pulled him in for a very sweet kiss.

Dean crawled into Cas’ lap, straddling Cas’ legs with his thighs. He deepened the kiss.

Cas pushed his tongue into Dean’s mouth and Dean felt it all the way down to his toes.

Dean began to grind his cock down against Cas’ and he moaned. 

Cas kissed him passionately and they were both hard.

Den climbed off Cas and stood up. “Take me to bed.”

Cas jumped up and grabbed Dean’s hand, leading him down the hall.

 


	2. Chapter 2

When they got there, Cas pulled Dean’s flannel off his shoulders and let it fall. Then he pulled Dean’s T shirt off. Dean tried to get Cas’ shirt unbuttoned but was having trouble, so Cas did it.

Then the pants came off, followed by the boxers and they were on the bed.

Dean was moaning into every kiss Cas gave him. He ran his hands down Cas’ back as Cas crawled over him. They kept kissing, but Cas’ hand roamed over Dean’s chest and pinched his nipples.

Dean thrust his hips up against Cas’ cock. Cas ground down against it and they both moaned.

Dean spread his legs. Cas leaned over him and grabbed the lube and a condom from the bedside table.

Dean lifted his legs high. Cas grinned and poured some lube in his hand. He also poured some onto Dean’s hole. He shoved a finger into Dean.

Dean just growled. “Fuck that. Don’t need it. Just get in me, Cas.”

Cas rolled the condom on, lubed it up and pushed the head of his cock into Dean.

Dean groaned with pleasure. “Fuck yeah. Cas. Fuck me hard.”

Cas slowly pushed in all the way. Held for a moment, then pulled all the way out again. He pushed back in and bottomed out.

Cas put his hands on Dean’s thighs and kneeled between Dean’s legs. He began to fuck Dean with a frenzy.

Dean gasped and ended up just saying, “uh, uh, uh…” over and over.

Cas groaned. “Jesus, you feel good Dean.”

Dean licked his palm and began to run his hand up and down his cock. He was leaking pre cum so he used some of that too.

Cas pulled out. “Hands and knees.” Dean flipped over and shoved his ass in the air.

Cas pushed back in and Dean moaned.

Cas began to fuck Dean just as hard and fast as before, and his balls slapped Dean’s taint with every thrust. Dean reached under himself and began to yank on his dick again.

Dean was in ecstasy. Cas felt so damn good inside him. He had real staying power too. Nothing ticked Dean off more than a dude who came too quickly.

Cas changed it up, slowing down. He leaned over Dean and grabbed his face, turning it for a very messy kiss.

Dean pushed back against Cas’ cock. “Fuck, you’re good, Cas.”

Cas grinned. “Thanks, Dean. I aim to please.” Dean chuckled, but then it changed to a groan.

Cas sped up again, and began to pound in and out of Dean like a jackhammer. He pulled back on Dean’s hips.

Dean’s hand went faster up and down his dick and then he moaned and yelled Cas’ name as he came.

Cas shoved in and held while Dean came, but then went back to pounding him.

Dean’s hand cupped his own balls and rolled them around.

After what seemed to Dean to be a long time, Cas groaned. He pulled out, rolled the condom off, grabbed his cock and jacked himself a few times and came all over Dean’s ass.

Dean loved feeling the warm cum splash on him.

Cas continued to run his hand up and down his cock until he got soft. Then he slapped Dean on the ass. “I’ll be right back.”

Dean heard Cas walk out of the room and then water running in another room. Soon, Cas came back with a warm wet cloth and cleaned Dean off.

He tossed the cloth aside and laid down next to Dean, who rolled over on his back.

“That was amazing, Cas.”

Cas smiled. “I tend to agree with that, Dean. Can you spend the night?”

Dean thought a minute. He usually was one for jumping up and going home, but it sounded pretty good to him, sleeping with Cas. “Sure, I’ll stay.”

Cas pulled him into a kiss. “Excellent.”

They were both asleep within minutes.

Dean woke up first, and he was sort of shocked at how he was cuddled up to Cas. Not usually a cuddler. But he had to piss like a racehorse, so he very carefully got out of bed and went looking for the bathroom.

After a very satisfying piss, he made  his way back to the bedroom. Cas had his eyes open and smiled at him.

Dean smiled back. “Sorry if I woke you up.”

Cas pulled back the covers, “Not a bit. I was in the process anyway.”

Dean crawled back in beside Cas.

Cas snuggled up against him and kissed him. Dean just sort of melted into it.

They kissed for awhile, then Cas pulled back. “You off work today?”

It was Sunday. Dean nodded. “Yeah.”

“Good. Then can we spend the day together? Right here with breaks for food?”

Dean heard himself say “That sounds great,” without having any idea why he did.

Cas grinned. “Fantastic. Let’s go rustle up some breakfast.”

Dean found himself in the kitchen, wearing only boxers, watching Cas cook.

Breakfast was delicious and Dean told Cas it was. Cas smiled at him. “I really enjoy cooking. It just gets sort of tedious cooking for myself.”

When they were done, Dean gathered up the dished and took them to the sink.

“Leave them, Dean. Come back to bed with me.”

Dean was down for that.

Cas gave Dean the blow job of a lifetime.

Dean blew Cas and they fell asleep again.

Dean was jostled awake. He sat up and gasped.

“Dean, you were having a nightmare. You were telling someone no and not to hurt you anymore. Are you okay?”

Dean was mortified. No one had ever told him he yelled during the nightmare. He shook his head and rubbed his eyes.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Don’t know what I was dreaming. Sorry.”

Cas just looked at him with sympathy in his eyes. “Don’t be sorry. Can’t help what we dream.”

Dean looked away. “Yeah, yeah we sure can’t.” He silently cursed himself.

He suddenly just wanted out of there. “You know what? I just remembered I promised to help a friend with some problem with his car. I really should get going.”

Cas looked sad. “Okay, Dean. Can I get your number? Maybe we could get together again? Like soon?”

Dean found his phone in his discarded pants. He handed it to Cas. Cas put his number in, then called himself and saved Dean’ number.

n

Dean dressed and Cas walked him to the door.

“Sorry you couldn’t stay. I sure hope we can do something together soon.” Cas looked even sadder.

Dean kissed him. “Sure. I’ll call you.”

In the car, he cursed himself for saying that. He had no intention of ever seeing Cas again.

 


	3. Chapter 3

Dean was angry all the way home. When he got there, he threw some clothes in the washer and got a beer. He leaned against the counter and thought about Cas.

He really liked the guy and that made him mad. He could see that, in a perfect world, he would date Cas. But his world was so far from perfect he couldn’t even see it using a telescope. He didn’t date, for fuck’s sake!

He vowed to forget all about Cas and the night they’d spent together.

He did a little housework and ate something. He watched TV… did just about anything he could think of not to think about Cas.

At work on Monday, Dean was busy and managed not to think about Cas for several hours, but as soon as he got home, his mind went right back. He cursed and proceeded to get drunk.

When he was good and drunk, he texted Cas.

 

**Dean: Hey Cas. I’m drunk. Get out of my heaf**

**Dean: head**

 

After just a couple minutes, his phone chimed.

 

**Cas: Hey Dean. Been thinking about you a lot too. Why are you drunk on a Monday night?**

 

Dean thought about it for a minute.

 

**Dean: I’m drunk because of you**

 

His phone chimed right back.

 

**Cas: Because of me? I’m making you want to get drunk?**

**Dean: Yeah you are, it’s all your fault**

**Cas: Well, I’m sorry then. When can we get together again? Maybe I can solve your problem.**

**Dean: Seeing you is my problem.**

**Cas: Whatever you say.**

 

“FUCK!:” Dean tossed his phone on the couch. He staggered to bed and passed out.

When he woke up in the morning, he had another text from Cas. He ignored it and went to work. But curiosity got the better of him, so he read it on his lunch hour.

 

**Cas: I don’t know what’s going on with you, but I really want to see you again. I’ll be at the bar on Friday night. If you want to hook up again, I’ll be there about 9**

 

Dean sighed and put his phone back in his pocket. He swore he wasn’t going to see Cas again.

He managed to get through the week without getting drunk again, but he had the sleep paralysis thing happen once.

He hated feeling so powerless and afraid.

Friday came and Dean resolved not to go to the bar. He had every intention of just staying home. And yet, he got in his car and drove to the bar anyway.

He walked in about a quarter to ten. He looked around and saw Cas sitting at a table with a guy. They were deep in conversation and Dean’s stomach gave a lurch.

Dean walked over to them. Cas looked up and his face lit up.

“Dean! I wasn’t sure you’d come. Meet my brother. Gabe, this is Dean. Dean, my brother Gabriel.”

Dean felt a rush of relief. “Hi Cas. Gabe, nice to meet you.”

Dean sat down and Cas signaled to the waitress to bring another beer.

Gabe grinned at him. “So, this is the infamous Dean I’ve heard so much about.”

Dean looked at him. “Cas been talking about me?”

Gabe chuckled. “Yeah, you could say that.”

Cas elbowed him, “Shut it, Gabe.”

Gabe grinned and stood up. “Well, I believe that twink over there is eyeing me. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do, you two.”

Cas chuckled. “So, everything is fair game?”

Gabe said back over his shoulder as he walked away, “You got it, baby bro.”

Dean’s beer arrived and he took a long drink of it.

Cas tilted his head. “So, how did I manage to be the cause of you getting drunk?”

Dean sighed. “I don’t date, you get that, right?”

Cas smiled at him. “Yeah, I kind of got that impression.”

Dean glared at him. “You make me want to date you.”

Cas put his hand to his forehead in a teasing way, as if he was going to faint. “Oh lord, I’m so sorry! I never meant to entice you in any way.”

Dean frowned at him. “Ha ha, very funny asshole.”

Cas giggled and took a swallow of his beer.

Cas leaned over and whispered in Dean’s ear. “It’s _your_ asshole I’ve been thinking about.”

Dean gasped and blushed. “Man, the mouth on you! Fuck.”

Cas giggled again. “Well, that’s my plan unless you say no.”

Dean looked at Cas. He was so fucking beautiful. He knew he shouldn’t but still…

“Yeah, okay. Let’s get out of here.”

On the way out the door, Dean told Cas he never had a second time with anyone.

Cas said he was honored then.

“You damn well better be,” Dean growled.

He followed Cas back to Cas’ place and went inside. There was no preamble this time, Cas just grabbed him, pushed him against the door, kissed him and pushed his thigh between Dean’s legs. Dean moaned and ground against it.

Cas broke the kiss. “Bedroom. Naked. Now.”

Dean shed his clothes along the way to the bedroom, dropping them along the hall. When he got to the bedroom, he shucked his boxers and jumped on the bed.

Cas stripped in a hurry too, then crawled over Dean. He kissed him with passion and Dean grabbed the back of Cas’ neck and responded.

Cas rubbed his cock along Dean’s and they both groaned. Dean spread his legs wide and Cas moved down between them. He grabbed the lube and a condom. He rolled the condom on and lubed it up. Dean lifted his legs.

Cas poured a generous amount of lube into Dean’s hole and then ran the tip of his cock around in it.

“Just shove it in!”

Cas smiled down at Dean. “Wow. Bossy and impatient are we?”

“Damn right. I’m not here for the pancakes.”

Cas pushed the head of his cock into Dean slowly and held, allowing Dean to adjust. When Dean nodded, he pushed in more, held again and them pushed in all the way.

Dean spread his legs wide in the air, and Cas grabbed his ankles.

Cas began to pull all the way out and then shove back in a few times, then began to fuck Dean hard.

Dean moaned and pushed back against Cas.

Dean put his hands on Cas’ hips and let his head fall back against the pillow. Cas felt even better inside him than he had the first time they fucked, if that was even possible.

Dean dug his fingers into Cas’ hips.

“Goddamn, Cas… shit, you feel good…”

Cas leaned over and kissed him, all messy and hot. “Ride me…”

He pulled out and flopped on his back. Dean straddled him and sunk down on Cas’ cock with a sigh.

Cas grabbed his hips and began to thrust up into him and Dean moaned.

Dean matched Cas’ thrusts with some of his own and Cas licked his palm and grabbed Dean’s cock and began to jack him off.

It didn’t take long before Dean came hard. He shot cum onto Cas’ chest.

Cas just kept up his thrusting. He got faster and harder and then he thrust into Dean and held there with a loud groan.

Cas thrust lazily until his cock got soft, then pulled out. Dean fell to his side and watched Cas take off the condom and toss it into the trash.

“I fucking hate those things.” Cas grimaced as he tossed it.

“Yeah, I prefer bareback too, but can’t be too careful these days.”

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

Cas lay down next to Dean. “If we’re going to continue this, we both need to get tested.”

Dean laid there staring at the ceiling, wondering if he wanted to continue this or not. For the first time ever, he wasn’t sure about what he wanted.

He turned and looked at Cas. “There’s something you should know about me before you make any decisions. I’m broken. I-I’m a stone mess. You probably don’t want to get into anything with me.”

Cas turned and looked at Dean. “I’m not sure I care. If you say you’re broken, then I believe you, it’s just not an issue for me. I can’t say that it will never be an issue, but right now, I don’t care about that. I just really like you.”

Dean laid on his back and thought about that. He wondered if Cas could really hang with what a mess he was. Did he even  _ want _ Cas to hang with that? 

“Well, you say that now, but give it a couple of weeks. You’ll never want to see me again.”

Cas sat up. “Man, you sure have a low opinion of yourself. What the fuck happened to you?”

Dean turned away. “Nothing. Nothing happened. I just know myself, okay?”

Cas put his chin on Dean’s shoulder. “Okay, Dean. I’m not sure you’re being truthful, but if you say nothing happened, then I accept that.”

Dean turned back over and pulled Cas in for a kiss. “So, do I get to spend the night?”

Cas laughed. “No, you sorry bastard, get out.”

They both chuckled and Cas pulled Dean for a cuddle.

“Don’t ask stupid questions.”

Dean sighed. “Yeah, okay, message received.”

They went to sleep and Dean slept without a bad dream.

When Dean woke up, he turned to see Cas was awake and staring at him.

“Shit! Don’t watch me sleep… it’s creepy as fuck.”

Cas giggled. “But I like to watch you sleep!”

Dean grumbled, “Well, knock it off.”

Cas kissed him. “Good morning to you too, Dean.”

Dean had to piss, so he got out of the bed and walked to the bathroom. 

When he came back in, Cas said, “I don’t know which I like better, watching your ass walking away or seeing your face and your cock when you come back.”

“Jesus, Cas, you are just a fucking ray of sunshine in the mornings, aren’t you.”

Cas grinned. “Yeah, I am, and you're not, apparently. Come on, I’ll fix you some coffee.”

Dean pulled on his boxers and followed Cas to the kitchen. 

While it was brewing, Cas pulled Dean to him and kissed him deeply.

The pot beeped and he pulled away. “Here we go, something to improve your grumpy disposition.” 

Dean took the cup gratefully and sipped it. “Yeah, well, don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

Cas smiled at him and took a sip of coffee. “If this is as bad as it gets, I’m in.”

Dean growled in his throat and drank his coffee.

Cas studied Dean for a moment. “You’re a very angry person. There has to be a reason why you’re so angry and I hope one day you’ll trust me enough to tell me about it.”

Dean looked at him. “Don’t hold your breath, Cas.”

Cas grinned, “Oh, I won’t. Now, let me see what I can find for breakfast.”

Dean sighed and drank his coffee. He wondered why he liked Cas so much. Really. Cas was unlike anyone he’d ever met before. Cas was funny, and smart, and apparently took Dean at face value. That last one alone was enough to make Dean want to get to know the guy better.

Cas whipped up a delicious breakfast and Dean told him so. Cas was really pleased. 

“I love to cook.”

Dean grinned at him. “That works out good ‘cause I love to eat.”

Cas got up and kissed Dean, then cleared the table. 

He put the dishes in the sink, and said. “You to to the bedroom and get ready for me.”

Dean suddenly couldn’t breathe. He felt nauseous and like he was going to pass out. He slid to the floor, gasping and sweating.

Cas ran to him. “Dean? Dean, you’re having an anxiety attack. Hold on.”

Cas got a small paper bag and crumpled it at the top and handed it to Dean.

“Breathe into this. Try to slow down your breathing. You’re fine, you’re safe.”

He sat on the floor next to Dean and put a hand on the small of Dean’s back.

For awhile, all Dean could hear was his pulse pounding in his ears and his Dad’s voice, 

After a bit, he started to catch his breath. He was mortified, and wished the floor would open up and swallow him.

He took the bag away from his face. “Cas, I gotta go, I gotta get out of here.”

Cas put a hand on Dean’s shoulder to keep him from standing up.

“Dean, you aren’t going anywhere. You aren’t in any shape to drive. Just calm down. Please?” Dean nodded. He got what Cas was saying.

Finally, he sighed. “I’m sorry, Cas. I don’t know what happened. I’m really embarrassed,”

He knew exactly what had set him off.

Cas pulled him into a hug. “Please, don’t be embarrassed. It can happen to anyone. But I have to ask you… have you ever been diagnosed with PTSD?”

Dean looked at him with a wild look. “PTSD? Fuck, no, Cas. I don’t have PTSD.”

Cas kissed Dean’s temple. “Okay, Dean. It’s just that you show a lot of the symptoms. I didn’t mean anything by it.”

Dean nodded. “It’s okay, Cas. No harm done.”

He wished he could just die now. He hated being weak.  “I told you I was broken.”

Cas sighed. “Yeah, you did. But I think someone broke you. Someone did something bad to you.”

Dean bit back the desire to tell Cas everything. He’d never told a soul and he wasn’t about to start talking about it now.

 


	5. Chapter 5

Dean felt like he could stand up, so Cas helped him. 

Dean led Cas back to the bed. Dean laid down and Cas snuggled up to him. 

“Relax, Dean. Let me take care of you.” Cas kissed across Dean’s jaw and down his throat. He sucked on each of Dean nipples and Dean moaned. 

“Feels good, Cas.”

Cas looked up at him and smiled. “I’m glad, it’s supposed to.”

Cas kissed over Dean’s chest and belly. 

“I want to kiss every freckle.”

Dean snorted. “Then we’ll be here until next year.”

He gasped when Cas sucked his cock into his mouth. Cas ran his tongue over the head and then sucked it down to the root, letting it go into his throat. He held for a few seconds, then sucked back up, taking a breath.

“Fuck! Cas…”

Cas just hollowed out his cheeks and sucked back down again. 

He proceeded to give Dean the absolute best head of Dean’s life. Dean was gasping and moaning, his hands buried in Cas’ hair. 

He came so hard, he saw only black for a moment. Cas swallowed every drop of cum that Dean produced and sucked for more, until Dean wiggled and said, “Ugh, too sensitive…”

Cas popped his mouth off with a grin and wiped his chin with the back of his hand.

“Jesus fuck, Cas! That was… amazing.”

Cas moved back up and kissed Dean. “Amazing was just what I was going for.”

Dean hugged him close. “Can I reciprocate?”

Cas shook his head, “Nah, not right now. I really enjoyed that and right now, I just want to cuddle.”

Dean allowed himself to be pulled onto Cas’ chest. Cas wrapped his arms around Dean. Even though Dean never thought of himself as anyone who would cuddle, he admitted to himself it felt pretty damn good to have Cas holding him.

He threw his leg over Cas and went to sleep. 

He knew it was a dream but that didn’t stop the anger and the terror. He saw his old man on top of him, and he struggled against what was happening, He began to yell.

“No! Get off me, god damn it! It hurts… stop… fuck you…”

Cas was shaking him awake. He woke up sweating and shaking.

“Dean… Dean! Wake up… Fuck, wake up!”

Dean pulled away from Cas and sat up on the side of the bed. He was angry and felt like a pathetic loser.

“I gotta go.”

Cas put a hand on Dean’s shoulder. “Please, don’t leave. Talk to me. Who were you dreaming about? What did they do to you?”

Dean jumped up, grabbing his boxers. “Fuck that! Nobody did anything to me. I just gotta get out of here.”

Cas sighed. “You’re hurt and upset. I wish you would calm down before you tried to drive.”

“Fuck you. I am perfectly capable of driving.”

Dean dressed in a hurry. He started walking towards the door.

Cas followed. When they got to the front door, Cas grabbed him. “Please let me know you got home okay. Just text me, okay?”

Dean sighed. He knew he was being a jerk. “Yeah, okay. I will, Cas. Look, I’m sorry, okay?”

Cas kissed him. “Hey don’t apologize. Just let me know you’re okay and please, come back. Let’s at least meet for a drink.”

Dean nodded. He left, and felt like crying while he was driving home. Cas was so caring, he felt like he really didn’t deserve that at all. Cas would be better off if he just never saw Dean again.

Still, he texted Cas when he got home. He knocked around the house, feeling like shit. 

How the fuck did he ever get as involved with Cas as he did? He’d broken about five of his hard rules with Cas. But still… he wished he was still there. He grabbed a beer and sat down at the kitchen table.

He drank the beer straight down and got another. His phone chimed.

 

**Cas: Meet me for a drink tonight? Please**

 

Dean sat and thought about it. Just meeting for a drink didn’t mean he had to go back to Cas’ and have sex. It was just a drink.

 

**Dean: Yeah, okay. I’ll be there about nine**

 

He knew it was not a good idea. Not at all, but still, he felt like Cas at least deserved an explanation as to why they shouldn’t see each other again. He resolved to tell Cas that. 

He spent the day drinking beer and watching TV. He forgot to eat. 

At eight-thirty, he changed his clothes and got in the car. He was buzzed but he’d driven like that more times than he could remember. 

He got to the bar a little after nine, and there sat Cas. He walked to where Cas sat. 

“Hey, Cas.”

Cas took one look at him and frowned. “You’re drunk. You drove here like that?”

Dean sat down. “Jeeze, Mom. Yeah, I drove here. I’m fine.” He signaled for a beer.

Cas sighed. “You’re really something, Dean. And I’m not letting you drive home. I’ll take you or you can come home with me.”

Dean grabbed the beer that the waitress brought. “Fuck that. I am not going home with you again.”

“Then it’s settled. I’ll drive you home and we can come back for your car in the morning.”

Dean could see it was pointless to argue with Cas. He didn’t like it, but he accepted that Cas wasn’t going to let him drive.

He had two more beers, while Cas nursed his one. They didn’t talk much, just sat together in silence. Then Cas said it was time to go. 

Dean stood up and almost fell. Cas grabbed his arm to steady him.

“Okay, Cas, I admit I’ve had too much to drink. Let’s go.”

He let Cas hold his arm as they walked to Cas’ car. They got in, Dean told him his address and promptly passed out.

 


	6. Chapter 6

Dean came to when Cas was guiding him to his door. He fumbled for his keys but couldn’t get it in the lock so Cas took them and unlocked the door. 

When they got inside, Cas just guided him down the hall to his bedroom. Dean idly wondered how Cas knew where to go, but figured it was probably obvious. 

When they got there, Cas stood Dean in the center of the room and took his clothes off. Dean almost fell again trying to get out of his pants.

“You just want to fuck me, Cas,” he giggled.

Cas frowned. “Oh yeah, Dean, I so want to fuck your drunken ass. Just get in the bed.”

Dean fell on the bed. “Stay with me, Cas. Please?”

Cas nodded and took his clothes off. He got in behind Dean and pulled him into a spoon, with Dean as the little spoon. Dean fell asleep immediately.

Dean came to sometime in the dead of night and had to piss so bad he thought his eyeballs were floating. He disengaged himself from Cas and got up.

He was obviously still drunk,  but made it to the bathroom and managed to not piss on the floor, which he felt was a real accomplishment. He staggered back to bed.

He curled up against Cas, who mumbled something in his sleep. Dean took one of Cas’ arms and pulled it over himself. He sighed and went back to sleep.

He slowly woke up, The first thing he noticed was that they were tangled together. Then the headache hit. 

He felt like he’d been hit by a train. His mouth tasted like the bottom of a birdcage, and he was afraid for a moment he’d throw up. That passed but his head was pounding.

He groaned and Cas chuckled.

“Not feeling that great, I take it?”

“Yeah, chuckles. Laugh at my misery.”

Cas kissed his forehead. “Well, you deserve it. You might think twice next time about getting that hammered.”

Dean growled.

“Where’s the ibuprofen? I’ll get you some.”

Dean waved in the direction of the bathroom. “Medicine cabinet.”

Cas got out of bed and left the room. Dean waited, hearing the water running in the kitchen. Cas returned with pills and a glass of water, which Dean sat up and accepted with a groan.

“Motherfuck! Why did I get that drunk?”

Cas grinned. “That’s a very good question. Why did you?”

Dean held his head. “I don’t know, seemed like a good idea at the time.”

Cas sat down on the bed next to Dean. “Did it have anything to do with that nightmare and why you ran out of my place like your ass was on fire?”

Dean sighed dramatically. “Maybe.”

Cas put a hand on Dean’s thigh. “Look, asshole, I really like you. I have no idea why, but I do. I’d like us to work through this.”

Dean turned to look at him. “Then you’re just a dumbass.”

Cas laughed. “Well, probably, but I’d like to think less dumb and less ass. Well, maybe more ass, now that I think about it. But I wish you’d give me a chance.”

Dean looked at his feet. “I already have given you more of a chance than anyone else I’ve ever been with. I don’t usually sleep with anyone twice.”

“Well, I’m honored then. But I want a lot more than just twice with you.” 

Dean turned back to look at Cas. “Why? I told you I was broken and now you’ve seen just what a fuck up I am. Why the fuck would you want more with me?”

Cas tightened his grip on Dean’s thigh. “I see a lot more in you than you see in yourself. When I look at you, I see a gorgeous, sexy, intelligent guy. I see someone that has a lot of potential. I also see someone who has been hurt, and hurt bad. I feel like I’d like to find whoever hurt you that bad and beat him or her senseless. But all I see is a man in pain who is a pretty great guy otherwise.”

Dean sat and listened to what Cas was saying. He suddenly wanted to be that guy. The one that Cas saw sounded pretty great. But then, he knew he just wasn’t that guy at all.

“Yeah, well, I ain’t that guy, I’d only end up hurting you.”

Cas frowned. “Why don’t you let me be the judge of that? I’m willing to take that chance, Dean.”

Dean sighed. He could clearly see it wasn’t going to be easy to get rid of Cas, and he wasn’t all that sure he wanted to get rid of the guy. 

His head had stopped pounding. “Well, I’m hungry. Let’s go get some breakfast, what say?”

Cas grinned and began to get dressed. Dean rooted around and found something to wear that didn’t smell like he’d taken a bath in a beer barrel. 

Cas drove them to a little diner and they got breakfast.

“So, Dean, what do you normally do on a Sunday?”

Dean grinned, “I do wash, watch TV and scratch my balls. You?”

Cas giggled. “Sounds like fun. I don’t do much on Sundays myself. You want to go get your car?”

Dean nodded. 

They left the diner and Cas drove them to the bar. Dean’s car was there, all safe and sound. He walked to the driver’s side and opened the door.

He turned to Cas. “Thanks. Really. You want to come back to the house for the afternoon?”

Cas said he did, and he followed Dean back home.

When they got there, Dean resisted the urge to grab a beer. He made a pot of coffee instead.

“So, wanna watch a movie?”

Cas said he did, so they looked at possibilities on Netflix. They decided on No Country For Old Men, a personal favorite of Dean’s.

They sipped their coffee and watched the movie. At about the midpoint, Cas scooted over and cuddled up with Dean. Dean wrapped his arm around Cas and they watched the rest of the movie that way.

Dean thought about having Cas in his arms, just watching a movie. He decided he really liked it. He was almost getting used to having Cas around. 

 


	7. Chapter 7

When Dean turned off the movie, he turned to Cas.

“Fuck me. I need you, now.” 

Cas smiled and pulled Dean to his feet and into a passionate kiss. They kissed their way down the hall and into the bedroom. Clothes flew off.

Cas was on top of Dean and Dean was moaning. He thrust up against Cas and that made Cas groan. They kissed with heat, and then Cas grabbed the lube and a condom.

“If we’re going to keep doing this, we need to get tested. I want to bareback you.”

Dean nodded.

Cas told Dean to get on his stomach and Dean rolled over and spread his legs.

He listened to Cas tearing open the condom and then the bottle of lube followed. He heard the unmistakable sounds of Cas slicking up his cock.

Then Cas got on top of him and the feeling of being pinned to the bed made Dean moan. He could feel Cas rubbing his cock on Dean’s ass, occasionally slapping it against one of Dean’s cheeks.

Then he was slowly pressing in and it was like coming home. Dean had never felt like this with any sex partner he’d ever had. He threw his arm back and grabbed Cas’ thigh. 

“Fuck me, motherfucker. Fuck me hard.”

Cas slid all the way in and began to plow in and out of Dean. He grabbed a fist full of Dean’s hair and used it to turn Dean’s face for a sloppy kiss.

Cas pulled back to kneel behind Dean, while he pulled Dean’s ass in the air. He pounded in and out of Dean like a jackhammer. 

Then he pushed in all the way and just held. They both groaned. Cas leaned over Dean and bit him hard on the shoulder.

“Fuuuucccck, Cas…”

Cas began to fuck Dean harder and turned Dean on his side, pulling one leg up onto his shoulder.

Dean grabbed his cock and began to jack himself off fast.

All that could be heard was the slap of skin on skin and moans.

Cas changed it up again, slowing down. Dean clenched down on Cas’ cock and came. He ran his hand up and down, milking his cock.

Cas continued to fuck him, bending over to kiss him again, Their tongues ran over one another, and then Cas came too. He pulled out, rolled the condom off and wiped the cum off of his cock around Dean’s hole. Cas ran his hand up and down his cock for a minute, then just collapsed on Dean.

They both panted. When Dean could speak, he turned to Cas, grinning. 

“Dude, that was fan-fucking-tastic!”

Cas ginned and pulled him in for another kiss. He wiped them off with an old shirt.

They fell asleep.

This time, Dean didn’t dream at all. When he woke up, he was disoriented for a moment, then turned to kiss Cas.

Cas grunted and kissed back.

“Need food,” Dean told him, “I’m starving.”

Cas opened his eyes and smiled at Dean. “You always seem hungry.”

Dean growled, “Yeah, for one thing or another.”

Cas giggled. They got up, cleaned off and pulled on boxers. Dean called for a pizza.

“Aren’t you going to put on pants?” Cas asked him.

“Hell no, I just tip whoever comes to the door well.”

When the pizza was delivered, the delivery guy was young, cute and skinny. He looked Dean up and down. “Well, hello there, cowboy..”

When Cas heard that, he walked to the door. “Back off, twinkle toes, This one’s mine.”

Dean paid and the guy left. Dean turned to Cas grinning. “And here I was going to ask if you wanted a threesome.”

Cas frowned, “That would be a huge no.”

Dean chuckled and went to get some napkins.

They sat cross legged on the floor and ate their pizza and drank a beer.

“Fuck, I hate that I have to work tomorrow. I need to go home.”

Dean sighed. “Yeah that blows for sure.”

Cas grinned. “And not in the fun way. Can we get together one night this week? Maybe stay over at your place or mine? We could bring a change of clothes…”

Dean chuckled. “Dude, that’s so girly. Maybe we could braid each other’s hair while we’re at  it.”

Cas threw his napkin at Dean.

Dean got serious. “I guess that would be okay, though. Who’s place?”

“Your choice, big boy.”

Dean grinned. “Then I choose your place. How about Wednesday?”

Cas smiled. “Works for me! And I think you should let your hair grow, You’d look adorable with braids.”

Dean growled at him.

Cas got ready to go. They kissed for a while at the door and then Cas left.

Dean turned around and put his back to the door. He sighed.

_ ‘What the fuck are you doing, Winchester? This is just a recipe for disaster.’  _

He sighed and went to pick up the pizza box and the empty beer bottles. He couldn’t help thinking about how much he really liked Cas. He knew it was a bad idea to keep seeing him, but Dean felt like he just couldn’t quit the guy.

When he crawled into bed, he really missed Cas being there. His bed felt empty for the first time he could ever remember. 

He woke up in the morning, and hadn’t had a nightmare. He was kind of encouraged by that. Maybe getting with Cas was going to stop them. He could hope anyway.

He texted Cas before he went to work. 

 

**Dean: My bed felt really empty without you in it.**

 

He got a response right away,

 

**Cas: Oh that’s so sweet! You like me, you really like me!**

 

Dean grinned.

 

**Dean: Shut the fuck up, asshole. Yeah, I like you, don’t make a big deal out of it.**

 

**Cas: Oh I love it when you get all mushy like that.**

 

**Dean: Okay, okay  going to work now.**

 

He smiled all the way to work.

 

He made sure to stop smiling before he walked into the garage. He didn’t need anyone asking him why he looked so happy. He had a persona to maintain after all.

 


	8. Chapter 8

Monday came and went, and Dean had no bad dreams that night either. He texted Cas about him going to Cas’ place after work on Wednesday and got back a very enthusiastic text from Cas that made him smile.

He read it, grinned, then looked around quickly to see if anyone saw him. He wasn’t about the answer any questions about his personal life. Most of the guys he worked with were worse than old ladies, they loved to gossip.   
Tuesday after work, he threw some stuff in a duffel and sat it by the door to take with him in the morning. He ate some dinner and watched some gay porn on his laptop.

He didn’t have a nightmare that night. When he woke up in the morning, he allowed himself just a moment to wonder if he’d finally beat that shit.

Work seemed to drag more than usual, he was anxious to get it over with.  Finally it was quitting time. He was anxious to get to Cas’. He shot Cas a text, saying he was on his way.

When he knocked on Cas’ door, Cas threw it open immediately, pulled him in by his shirt and kissed him. 

Dean broke the kiss. “Hold your horses, babe, I need a shower.”

Cas’ eyes lit up. “Oooh, shower sex!”

Dean grinned and they headed for the bedroom. Dean threw down his duffel and rummaged around in it, getting out sleep pants and a clean T. They stripped and headed to the bathroom.

Cas turned on the water to let it get hot and pushed Dean against the cabinet. He kissed Dean very insistently and Dean’s cock began to fill.

When the water was the right temperature, Cas got in and pulled Dean in behind him. 

“Hold your horses, Cas. I’ve never had shower sex in my life, and this seems sort of tricky.”

Cas looked at him with an amazed face. “You’ve never had shower sex before? What the fuck have you been doing all your life?”

Dean frowned. “I told you, you’re the first person I ever even had a second round with. All my times before, it was just fuck and get out.”

Cas shook his head. “Dean, Dean, Dean. Your education is sadly lacking. Now, just stand there and let me show you how it’s done.”

He dropped to his knees and took Dean’s cock in his mouth. Dean groaned and let his head fall back against the shower wall.

When he looked down, Cas was looking up at him. His beautiful lips were wrapped around Dean’s cock and his tongue was working overtime.

Dean put a hand on Cas’ head and fisted some hair. Cas sucked up and down.

Dean resisted the urge to thrust into Cas’ mouth, but it was hard to do. Cas was deep-throating him like a porn star. 

All too soon, Dean felt the heat build up and his balls tightened. 

“Gon-gonna cum, Cas…”

Cas wrapped his lips around the head and waited. Dean came and Cas swallowed it all.

Dean’s knees felt weak. Cas stood up and kissed him, sharing a little of Dean’s cum with him. Dean sucked on Cas’ tongue.

“Goddamn, Cas, You’re really good at that.”

Cas grinned. “It’s because I love to do it so much. Now, let’s wash up, I’m ready for dinner.”

They soaped each other up and rinsed off. Dean was thinking he really liked shower sex.

Dried off and dressed, Cas started fixing dinner. Dean offered to help but Cas just waved him off.

“Just sit there and look pretty, babe. I got this.”

Dean had a beer and watched Cas cook. He was fixing cheeseburgers and fries. Dean stomach growled in response.

When he took the first bite, he moaned appreciatively. “Fuck, this is good, Cas.”

Cas just grinned.

When they were done and the dishes were picked up, Cas asked Dean what he wanted to do.

Dean waggled his eyebrows. “And what do you think I want to do, sexy?”

He found himself on his knees at the edge of the bed. Cas was standing behind him with a condom on and all lubed up.

Cas pushed in slowly and Dean pushed back against him. He loved the burn and wanted every possible inch of Cas inside him.

Cas grabbed Dean by the hips and began to plow his ass almost frantically. Dean dropped his head onto the bed and moaned out Cas’ name.

Cas pulled his cock out and slapped Dean’s hole a couple of times, then shoved back in, punching a groan out of Dean.

After they had both had mind-blowing oragsms and were laying wrapped in each other’s arms, Cas said, “We are definitely going to get tested on Saturday. I never want to use a condom again after that.” Dean nodded his agreement.

“Fuck, I wish we didn’t have to go to work tomorrow,” Dean was positively whiney.

“Relax, Dean. Friday night will get here before you know it. Want to go to the bar again?”

Dean said he did.

“Okay, but no getting fall down on your ass drunk again.”

“Okay, asshole, but that was just the one time, and I never thought I was going to see you again.”

Cas kissed him. “You silver tongued devil, you.”

Dean growled in response.

They fell asleep. Sometime in the dead of night, Dean was vaguely aware that someone had their hand on his cock.

He sat up and punched out wildly. “Get off me, motherfucker. I’ll kill you.”

His fist connected with Cas’ nose.

Cas yelled. “What the fuck! Ow! Shit, I’m bleeding…”

Dean was fully awake and mortified. 

“Oh god, Cas… I’m sorry. Are you okay?”

Cas got up and turned on the light. His nose was bleeding. “Fuck no, I’m not okay! God damn it Dean, what is up with you?” 

He walked to the bathroom with Dean trailing behind him.

Dean felt like he could cheerfully die on the spot.

Cas had toilet paper pressed to his nose. 

“Cas, I’m sorry. I… I don’t know what happened.”

Cas looked at him. “I know exactly what happened. It’s the same thing that happens when you have those nightmares, Dean. You’ve got to deal with whatever happened to you. I told you I’d listen, but if not me then a therapist.”

Dean sighed. He knew something like this would happen eventually. He kicked himself again for ever getting into something like this with Cas. He knew it had been a bad idea from the very start, but he just ignored it. Now, this.

“Cas, I can’t talk about it. This is why I told you I was broken. I need to go.”

He walked back to the bedroom and began to dress. Cas followed him, still pressing toilet paper to his nose.

“Oh no, you fucking don’t get to leave, Dean. Sit your ass down right now!”

Dean sighed, halfway pulling on his boxers. He sat on the bed.

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the chapter where Dean tells Cas what happened. If this is a trigger, skip it.

Cas checked his nose, which had stopped bleeding. He knelt down in front of Dean.

“Damn it, Dean, you don’t get to run away. For once, you’re going to stay here and talk to me. I care about you, asshole, and we’re going to deal with this.”

Dean was scared. He was scared to death. But he just sat there, not wanting to leave, but feeling like he needed to get away. He felt like he was going to cry and that just pissed him off even more.   
Dean’s voice got so quiet, Cas had to strain to hear him. “I don’t think I can, Cas. I’ve never talked about it, not once, not to anyone. I… I’m afraid to.”

Cas reached out and cupped Dean’s cheek. 

“You’re safe here. You can tell me anything. But please, Dean, you’ve got to get it out before it kills you. Or me.”

Dean nodded. He took a shaky breath. He wanted to tell Cas, he really did, But he was ashamed and he was scared if he told, Cas would never want to see him again. 

“You’re going to hate me.”

Cas sighed. “I won’t hate you, Dean. I don’t care what you tell me, I promise not to hate you.”

Dean looked at Cas. There was dried blood still on his upper lip. He knew he had to tell.

“My… my dad used to fuck me.”

Cas’ face melted into one of sadness. Dean thought he’d never seen anyone look as sad as Cas did in that moment.

“Oh my god, Dean. That’s horrible.”

Dean sat and considered for a moment. He was still alive. There hadn’t been any earthquake, he hadn’t been struck by lightning. Cas was still here.

He took another deep breath.

“I don’t even know when it started. It’s all I can remember. It’s like one of my earliest memories. The pain, him shoving in and out of me, grunting…” Dean shivered. He was suddenly aware that he was crying.

Cas got up and sat down next to Dean, putting his arms around Dean and hugging him tight.

“My poor baby.”

Dean leaned into Cas’ shoulder and cried. Cas held him until he got control.

Cas kissed Dean’s cheeks and lifted his face to look him in the eye.

“Tell me about it.”

Dean hiccuped and sighed.

“It’s all I can remember. Him waiting until my little brother Sam was asleep and saying. ‘Go to the bedroom, boy, and get ready for me.’ I knew what that meant. It meant go lay on the bed, take off my bottoms and wait.”

Cas had a pained expression on his face. “How long did this go on?”

Dean looked down. “He never quit until I stood up to him. I was twelve. I told him I’d kill him if he touched me again, and not to touch Sam either. I guess he believed me.”

Cas asked softly, “Is he still alive?”

Dean shook his head. “Nope. He killed himself driving drunk one night. Hit a tree.”

“That’s good then. Because if he was still alive, I’d find him and kill him myself.” Cas looked really angry at that point.

Dean grinned. “I pissed on his grave.”

Cas grinned back. “I’d like to dig him up, burn his copse, piss on it and rebury him.”

Dean sighed. “I never could understand how he could do that to me. I mean, he hurt me, night after night, every night for years and years…” He trailed off.

Cas hugged him tight. “He was just a sick son of a bitch. Who knows why they do anything.”

Dean nodded. He couldn’t believe it, but he did feel better. He’d finally told someone and they didn’t blame him or think he was dirty. Cas didn’t hate him.

Cas pulled back. “Where was your mom all this time?”

“She was dead. She died in a fire when I was four.”

Cas kissed him. “I’m so fucking sorry, baby.”

“I used to lay under him and wonder if she was alive, would she save me.”

“I’m sure she would have, Dean. No mother would let that happen to her child.”

“That’s what I used to think, too.”

Dean scooted back on the bed and leaned back against the headboard. Cas crawled in next to him.

“I can’t believe I told you. And you don’t hate me.”

Cas looked shocked. “Hate you? Because you were abused as a child? That would make no sense at all, Dean. You weren’t responsible for what your dad did to you. You were just a little boy. You were completely powerless.”

Dean thought about that. He always felt like somehow it was his fault. He was responsible, He never knew how, but still, he felt like he should have been able to stop it. But when Cas put it that way, maybe he wasn’t after all.

Dean leaned his head on Cas’ shoulder. “I’m sorry I punched you, babe.”

Cas laughed. “I forgive you, and now that I know what happened, I completely understand.”

Dean nodded. “Thanks, Cas.”

Cas smiled at him. 

“I think we need to call in to work. It’s already four in the morning and we’re going to be tired as hell.”

At the mention of sleep, Dean suddenly yawned. “I think I’m tired, Cas.”

Cas pulled him down into the bed and dragged the covers up over both of them. “Go to sleep, baby.”

Dean did just that. He slept a peaceful sleep.

When he woke up, wrapped around Cas, he smiled. He was still alive, Cas still liked him and nothing bad had happened because he’d told.

He moved away from Cas and grabbed his phone. He called in to work and told them he had the flu. Then he curled back against Cas and waited for him to wake up.

It wasn’t long before Cas yawned and opened his eyes. He smiled at Dean, then grabbed his own phone and told someone he wouldn’t be in today. Dean mouthed the word ‘flu’ at him and he told the person he had the flu and wasn’t sure he’d be in the rest of the week,

When he put his phone down, he leaned over and kissed Dean.

“How are you doing, babe?’

Dean thought about it, and then told Cas he was surprisingly okay.

 


	10. Chapter 10

After kissing for a while, and both pissing, they laid in bed. Dean had his arm behind his head, staring at the ceiling.

“Can I ask you a couple of questions, Dean? If they make you uncomfortable, just say so, okay?”

Dean turned to look at Cas and nodded. “Go ahead.”

“Okay, first thing I want to know is whether or not you think Sam knows what your Dad did to you.”

Dean looked thoughtful. “I don’t think so… but I guess I’m not sure. He never said anything if he did. Fuck I hope he didn’t.”

Cas nodded solemnly. 

“Okay, next question…”

Dean nodded again. “Shoot.”

Cas looked mildly uncomfortable. “Well, I was just wondering if… well, if you thought you’d still be gay if your Dad hadn’t molested you. I mean, I’m a little surprised you even have sex.”

Dean smiled at Cas. “I’m sure I’d be gay even if he hadn’t molested me. And I guess it turned me into a slut. I wanted sex all the time, and I went with any guy who’d screw me. I wasn’t exaggerating though, you’re the first guy I ever had sex with twice.”

”Surely, some men wanted to get with you more than once.”

Dean grinned. “Sure, but I wouldn’t give them a second chance. I was pretty determined to never get involved with anyone.”

Cas looked thoughtful, then asked. “So, what was different about me?”

Dean leaned over and kissed him. “You know, I’m not sure. I mean, you are fantastic in the sack, but there was just something about you I couldn’t get a handle on. Something I wanted to see more of. You’re an amazing person, Cas.”

Cas blushed a little. “Well, I’m just really happy you saw whatever it was in me, because I wasn’t about to give up on you.”

Dean grinned at him. “Well, you were pretty persistent.”

“Damn straight! I wasn’t about to let that magnificent ass get away.”

Dean turned slightly and wiggled his ass at Cas. Cas slapped it.

Dean grinned and turned back. “So, how’s the nose, really?”

Cas patted his cheek. “It’s fine. A touch sore but really it’s fine. Stop feeling guilty.”

“Time for breakfast!” Cas jumped up and found some sleep pants to pull on. Dean followed, pulling on some boxers..

Dean got a pot of coffee started while Cas rooted around for something to fix.

When the coffee was done, Dean poured them each a cup. He watched Cas cook and his stomach grumbled.

When he dug into the food, he moaned appreciatively. Cas grinned at him.

“You sure do love to eat.”

Dean said, with a mouth full of eggs, “Hell yeah! It’s just about the best thing, after sex that is.”

Cas winked at him, “I’m glad to hear sex is still at the top of that list. So, today is the first full day we’ve spent together. What do you want to do?”

Dean leered. “You mean besides have sex?”

Cas laughed. “Yes, I mean besides have sex.”

Dean thought about it. “How about Netflix and chill?”

Cas thought that was a great idea. They cleaned up after breakfast and went to snuggle on the couch.

The next day, since neither of them was going to work, they decided to get tested. Dean drove them to the clinic.

Cas came back completely clean, but the nurse told Dean he needed to come into a room so she could talk to him. He turned to Cas looking scared, so Cas went with him.

The nurse asked if Cas was his significant other, and Dean nodded. 

“Have you used a condom every time you’ve had sex?”

Cas told her they had, “Now, what’s this all about.”

The nurse looked at Dean. “You have chlamydia. It appears that you’ve had it for many years. How old are you?”

Dean looked shocked. “I’m twenty-seven.”

The nurse looked troubled. “When did you first become sexually active.”

Dean made a choking sound. He looked desperately at Cas.

Cas cleared his throat. “Dean was a victim of child molestation, Incest.”

The nurse looked very sad. “It is likely that whoever molested you gave it to you.”

Dean had his hands balled into fists, but Cas took one, unfolded it and held on to it.

“I’m afraid that isn’t all the bad news I have for you. The long term effects of having this had left you sterile.”

Cas gasped, but Dean seemed oddly unaffected by this bit of news.

“I’ve never had any symptoms…”

“There rarely are symptoms in men. Whoever gave this to you may not have known he had it.”

“Okay. so what do we do?”

The nurse told them that he was going to be given a prescription for antibiotics and that should clear up the infection. The usual dose is for ten days, but we are going to give you enough for fifteen days. You two should continue to use a condom until all the pills are gone.”

When they got in the car, Cas turned to Dean. “I am so sorry, Dean.”

Dean shook his head. “It’s just one more thing, Cas.”

“But you can’t have any children.”

Dean laughed, much to Cas’ surprise. “Never intended to anyway. That part doesn’t really bother me.”

Cas leaned over and hugged him. “I’m still so sorry.”

Dean huffed and started the car. He drove back to Cas and never said another word so Cas didn’t either.

When they got there, Dean went straight to the fridge and got a beer. He tipped it up and drank half down.

“Got anything stronger, Cas?’

“No, I don’t and I don’t think getting drunk is a good response to this. We need to go and get your prescription filled and alcohol doesn’t mix well with antibiotics.”

Dean frowned. “Well, then they can damn will wait until tomorrow, can’t they! I’ve had this for like twenty-three years, so what is another day going to matter?”

Cas walked to him. Took the beer out of his hand and pulled him close.

“I know you’re angry and I know you’re hurting. But getting drunk isn’t going to help. I’m here. Talk to me.”

Dean pulled away and grabbed the beer back. “What is talking going to do? Is it going to  _ cure _ me? Make me forget what happened?”

Cas sighed. “No, but it may calm you down.”

Dean yelled, “I don’t want to calm down! Fuck him! He ruined my life! He broke me! I hate him! I fuckling hate him…” he started to cry and Cas grabbed him.

 


	11. Chapter 11

Dean pulled away from Cas. “I gotta go. I need to go home.”

Cas held on to his shirt. “Please don’t run away again!”

Dean yanked away. “Sorry, I gotta go.” He grabbed his keys and left. 

Cas sat down with his face in his hands.

Dean drove two blocks and stopped. He was crying and he wiped at his eyes angrily, When he got control, he drove home.

He threw himself on the bed. He felt like his world was crashing down around him.

He’d finally met someone he really liked. He finally felt like maybe, just maybe, he could have a normal life.

But no. He was diseased. He was still broken and Cas deserved better. He knew he couldn’t see Cas ever again. It broke his heart. But he knew it was for the best.

Cas texted him but he didn’t read it. He went into a fitful sleep. When he woke up it was dark. He looked at his phone and there were a total of six texts from Cas. He deleted them without reading them.

He changed his clothes and drove to the bar. He intended to get good and drunk.

He was well on his way when a good-looking guy asked if he could buy him a drink. Dean nodded and indicated the guy could sit at his table.

“My name is Michael. What’s yours?

“Dean. Thanks for the drink.”

“I’ve been watching you. You looked like you could use some company.”

Dean chuckled. “Yeah, I guess I could at that.”

Michael put his hand on Dean’s thigh. Dean looked down at it and then back at Michael.

Michael smiled and slid his hand up to Dean’s crotch and rubbed over it. Dean closed his eyes and smiled.

Suddenly Cas was there. “Get your hands off him. I suggest you move on.”

Dean jerked his eyes open. “C-Cas? What are you doing here?”

Cas looked angry. “I’m here to take you home. If you can get this guy’s hand off your dick long enough that is.”

Michael stood up, “Uh, I think I’ve made a mistake. Sorry.’ He hurried away.

“Fuck off, Cas. You aren’t my keeper.”

Cas sat down and glared at Dean. “Well, maybe I need to be. Now come on, you’re coming back to my place. And I  _ won’t _ take no for an answer!”

Dean glared at Cas. “What will it take to make you leave me alone? I told you I was broken! Now you should have a pretty good idea of just how broken.”

“Damn you, Dean, how many times do I have to tell you I don’t care? I care about you. Let me care about you, Dean, please.”

Dean shook his head. “I’ll just hurt you. I don’t want to hurt you.”

Cas smiled. “Let me decide for myself. If I get hurt, you can’t say you didn’t warn me. But I don’t think you’ll hurt me.”

Dean grinned. “Jesus, you are a persistent motherfucker”

“You have no idea how persistent I can be.”

Sighing, Dean stood up. “Fine, let’s go.”

Once in the car, Cas turned to Dean. “I got your prescription filled, by the way. You  _ will _ take one in the morning.”

Dean grumbled, “Yes Mom. Jesus.”

Cas just smiled and drove to his place.

When they got inside, Cas said softly, “It hurt me to see that guy with his hand on your crotch.”

Dean looked ashamed. “I know, I’m sorry. I just wanted to, well, I wanted to forget about you.”

Cas looked so sad, it hurt Dean that he could even make Cas look like that.

“Look, I’m sorry, okay? I freaked a little. That’s what I do. If you’re going to be involved with me, you need to know that. I keep telling you…”

“That you’re broken. A mess. No good. I know, Dean, I’ve heard it every time you’ve said it. It’s bullshit.”

Dean stared at him. His buzzed brain couldn’t come up with a snappy comeback to that.

Cas sat on the couch. “You know why it’s bullshit? Because it’s become your go-to excuse for acting bad. ‘ _ Oh, I’m broken, I can’t act any better _ ’... You can act better and I’ve seen you act better.”

Dean sat down beside him. “Fuck, Cas, tell me what you really think.”

Cas grinned. “Oh I will, Dean. I’m not going to coddle you in any way. I expect you to have good days and bad days, but I also expect us to work through those bad days together. No more running.”

Dean thought about what Cas was saying. It scared the shit out of him, but it also made him realize just how much Cas was really going to be there for him. No one had ever been there for him in his life. He wasn’t sure he deserved it, but he knew he really wanted that. He really wanted Cas.

“Okay, Cas. No more running. I hope you know what you’re getting in to.”

Cas laughed. “Oh I’m sure I have no idea. But I’m willing to find out. And I swear to you, I won’t bail on you. Ever.”

Dean looked at Cas and tried to smile. He felt like crying, if he was being truthful with himself. He’d never met anyone in his life like Cas, and he was having trouble believing that Cas wasn’t just some figment of his imagination and that he’d completely lost his mind. He reached out a hand and touched Cas on the arm. Cas looked at his curiously.

“Just trying to decide if you’re real or not.”

Cas grinned. “Oh I’m real, Dean. Come to bed and I’ll prove it.”

Dean jumped up. Cas walked down the hall and Dean followed like a trained puppy. When they got to the bedroom, Dean hurried to undress, then laid down and watched Cas.

Cas had a magnificent body. He was lean yet muscular, with runner’s thighs and hip bones that you could cut yourself on. His cock was perfect in Dean’s opinion. It was long and thick and Dean’s mouth watered every time he saw it.

“Need to taste you, Cas. Let me blow you… please?”

Cas chuckled as he got in bed next to Dean. “I never turn down a blow job.”

 


	12. Chapter 12

Dean moved down, trying not to drool. He looked at Cas’ cock. There was one perfect drop of pre cum glistening at the tip. 

Dean licked it off and loved the sour tang of it. He licked again and then took the tip in his mouth. Cas groaned.

He swirled his tongue over it and then sucked down. Cas let his head drop back onto the pillow with a moan that sent chills down Dean’s spine.

He only went about half way and then sucked back up, flattening his tongue against it. He loved the feeling of Cas in his mouth, so heavy and perfect.

He lifted Cas’ balls in his hand and sucked down lower. He wanted to deep-throat Cas, but he needed to work his way up to that. Cas put one hand in Dean’s hair and it was just what Dean wanted. He sucked down again, letting it hit the back of his throat. 

Cas moaned again. “Fuck! The mouth on you… Dean…”

Dean glanced up at Cas, and Cas was looking at him with lust blown eyes.

The next time he took it to the root. It went in his throat and he swallowed. Cas gasped and gripped his hair.

Dean ran his tongue along the underside of Cas’ cock, along the vein. Then he sucked a little on the head, tasting more pre cum. He ran his mouth back down to the root.

Dean gave Cas the best blow job he had ever given anyone, and when he felt Cas’ balls tighten and raise, he moved his mouth over the head and waited.

He didn’t have to wait long. Cas cried out his name and came in his mouth. This was what Dean had been dreaming about for days, the salty bitterness of Cas.

He swallowed, then swallowed again, He sucked for everything Cas could give him. Cas groaned, “Stop! Too much…” so Dean popped his mouth off and smiled up at Cas.

Cas looked wrecked and Dean loved that he could do that to the man. He moved up and kissed Cas, so that Cas could tasted himself in Dean’s mouth.

Cas grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him into a frenzy of teeth and tongues and spit that had Dean reeling.

When they broke, Cas panted out, “Holy fuck, Dean! That was amazing. Give me a minute and I’ll reciprocate.”

Dean laid down next to Cas. “You don’t have to, you know?”

Cas chuckled. “That would be rude in the extreme. After a blow job like that, I’d be a real dick not to blow you.”

Dean smiled. “Well, yeah, wouldn’t want to be a dick.”

Cas gave as good as he got. Dean thought it was better, actually. Cas had a way of drawing it out until Dean was literally begging to cum. When he did, it blew the top of his head off.

When he regained the power of speech, he told Cas that was the best blow job he’d ever gotten.

“Well, high praise from someone who’s gotten as many as you probably have.”

“Hey, words hurt, dude. But yeah I can’t deny I’ve gotten a hell of a lot of blow jobs, but yours was by far the best.”

Cas grinned and kissed him. Dean hadn’t been kissed that much in his life, but he really liked it when Cas kissed him.

They went to sleep, and Dean allowed himself to be the little spoon. He never would admit to anyone, but he really liked having Cas curled around him, with one arm clutching his chest and a leg thrown over his. It made him feel safe.

When he woke up, the first thing he became aware of was how much his head hurt. He groaned.

Cas walked in the bedroom, carrying two pills and a glass of water. Dean took the pills and chased them down with the whole glass of water.

Cas smiled at him. “Morning, sunshine.”

Dean groaned again. “Yeah, yeah, very funny. Laugh at my pain.”

Cas laughed and turned to leave the room, saying over his shoulder, “Coffee is ready and breakfast is in fifteen.”

Dean sat on the edge of the bed, then huffed to his feet and went to the bathroom. He looked at himself in the mirror. “You look like five miles of bad road, buddy.”

After he’d used mouthwash and washed his face, he pulled on boxers and walked to the kitchen. Cas had already sat a cup of coffee out for him. He sank into a chair and sipped it gratefully.

Then he noticed the capsule sitting next to the cup. He sighed, knowing it was the antibiotic. He took it.

Cas glanced over and smiled. “Thank you, Dean.”

“Yeah, mom, I took the fucker.” Dean sighed. “I guess if we’re ever gonna get to bareback, I need to take them.”

Cas turned and smiled brighter. “I really am looking forward to it!”

Dean chuckled. “Yeah, thinking about it makes me all tingly in my nether regions.”

Cas threw his head back and laughed. “Well, I’ll see what I can do about that tingle after we eat.”

Dean suddenly thought that the sound of Cas laughing was absolute music to his ears. He quickly followed that thought with,  _ ‘Shit, dude, get a grip, You’re getting all girly.’ _

Cas sat a plate in front of Dean and then sat one down for himself. They began to eat.

Cas looked at him with a strange look on his face.

“Dude, What?”

Cas sighed. “I’m still wondering if you were being completely truthful when you said that being sterile didn’t bother you.”

Dean sat down his fork. “I’m gay, Cas. I’m a gay man, It isn’t like I’m ever going to fuck some chick anyway. And I decided long ago that I was never going to have kids. I’m sorry, but I’m just not father material.”

Cas looked curious. “Why do you think that?”

Dean shook his head. “I’ve read a lot of things about incest and molestation. There is a good chance I could be a molester too.”

“And have you ever, even once, looked at a child sexually?”

Dean looked shocked.”Ew, no!”

Cas smiled at him. “Then I doubt very sincerely you could ever be a child molester.”

That brought Dean up short.

 


	13. Chapter 13

Cas stood up, put the dishes in the sink and turned to Dean.

“So, let’s go see what we can do about that tingling in your nether regions,”

Dean hopped up, grinning from ear to ear. “Now you’re talking!”

Dean quickly shed his boxers and laid down, watching Cas pull his T shirt over his head and then pull down his sleep pants. He licked his lips at the sight of Cas’ cock.

When Cas pushed into him, he groaned in pleasure. He looked up at Cas, and suddenly realized he had feelings for him. 

He felt a little panicked. What the fuck was happening? He didn’t have feelings for anyone. Ever.

He must had looked strange, because Cas stopped moving.

“Dean, are you alright?”

Dean suddenly started to laugh. He threw his head back and laughed until tears were running down his cheeks. When he got control, he realized that Cas had not only pulled out, but was now kneeling next to him with a real look of concern on his face.

Dean reached out and cupped Cas’ cheek. “Hey, I’m okay, really. I just had an epiphany”

Cas tilted his head and looked confused. “An epiphany? What does that mean?”

Dean looked Cas straight in the eye. “I just figured out how much I like you, Cas. I mean, _ like  _ you like you.”

Cas grinned. “A little late to the party, aren’t you? I knew that days ago.”

Dean gaped at him. “You did? Why didn’t you tell me, then?”

“And what would you have said, if I told you that you  _ liked _ me?”

Dean thought a second. “I would have told you to fuck off, you were full of shit.”

Cas smiled. “That is exactly what you would have said. I’m just glad you finally figured it out.”

Dean shook his head. “Yeah, I’m apparently a real dummy.”

Cas leaned over and kissed him. “You are not a dummy! You’re just constipated with your feelings.”

“Jeeze, Cas, fine way to talk. I’m trying, okay? Give me a break.”

Cas grinned even bigger. “Oh I am giving you a break. Now… can we get back to business?”

Dean nodded furiously. “Oh yeah, give it to me baby!”

Cas sunk in and they both moaned. Cas began the push and pull that sent Dean to places he hadn’t been before in his life. 

But suddenly, it struck him that Cas hadn’t said he liked him back. His eyes flew open and he looked at Cas with a sad look.

Cas stopped again. “Okay, what’s the matter this time?”

“Nothing, nothing is the matter. Just get to it, okay?”

Cas sighed. “Dean, something besides sex is obviously on your mind. Now, spill.”

Dean looked away. “I’ll sound like a chick.”

Cas chuckled. “Well, right now, you look like a chick too, Tell me.”

Dean looked back at Cas. “You didn’t say you liked me back.”

Now it was Cas’ turn to laugh. Dean was frowning.

When Cas got control, he kissed Dean. “You goof, I would have thought that you knew I liked you. A lot. Haven’t I pretty much shown you that? But if you insist… Dean, I like you. I mean I  _ really _ like you. More than I can tell you.”

Dean felt like a complete ass. He pulled Cas down into a hot kiss.

“I’m sorry. Please, continue.”

Cas fucked him like it was the last possible chance they’d ever have before the end of the world.

When he rolled off Dean and took off the condom, Dean was trying to catch his breath.

“Damn! That was really something, Cas!”

Cas grinned at him. “I concur.”

They spent the rest of the weekend watching Netflix, making out, having sex and eating, mostly junk food. Dean was in heaven.

But then, Sunday night rolled around and Dean had to go home. He took the bottle of antibiotics and swore to Cas that he’d take then religiously.

Dean giggled, and Cas cocked his head.

“Okay, what’s funny?”

“I was thinking about taking medicine for an STD  _ religiously _ .”

Cas shook his head, “You’re such a child, Dean.”

Dean grinned at him. “Hey, I think I’m adorable!”

Cas had to agree to that.

Dean got home and got stuff together for work the next day. He fell into bed, but couldn’t sleep.

His bed felt empty.

He grumbled to himself about it. ‘Never had any trouble before sleeping alone…’

But he knew he missed Cas.

He got a text from Cas at work the next day. It simply read, ‘I was thinking about you and something came up.’

There was an attachment, and when Dean opened it, it had Cas’ erect cock, he was standing in a bathroom stall.

Dean got hard immediately. He hurried to the bathroom and locked himself in a stall. He took a pic of his hard cock and sent it to Cas with a text saying, ‘Motherfucker, now look what you did!’

He got back a laughing emoji. 

It made him feel pretty good that Cas got a hard on thinking about him.

That evening, Dean texted Cas a pic of him taking his antibiotic and Cas texted him back telling him he was a good boy. 

Dean called Cas. “Hey, I just… kind of wanted to hear your voice.”

Cas was smiling, Dean could just tell. “I kind of wanted to hear yours too.”

They ended up talking on the phone while watching the latest episode of Dr. Sexy M.D. and debating the pros and cons of wearing cowboy boots in an operating theatre.

Finally it was time to go to bed. 

“Cas, I miss you. I can’t sleep, you fucker. You made me into a little spoon and I miss it.”

Cas laughed. “I miss you too. I admit, I had some trouble sleeping last night, too.You know…”

Dean said, “What?”

“You could throw some stuff together and come over. You know, just so we can get some sleep.”

Dean was standing at Cas’ door forty-five minutes later.

Cas opened the door and drug him inside and into a very passionate kiss.

When it broke, Cas said, “Please tell me you remembered…”

Dean fished in his pocket and pulled out the bottle of antibiotics, which earned him another kiss.

 


	14. Chapter 14

Dean left for work the next morning, well fucked, full of food and his antibiotic. He arrived at work and quit smiling before he went in. He didn’t want any coworkers asking him why he was so happy.

He didn’t get any texts from Cas all morning, and he vacillated between worried, annoyed and sad. Finally, he texted Cas at lunch.

‘Hey, everything okay?’

He had to wait an hour before he got a reply.

 

**‘Yeah, sorry, just really busy at work want to come over and have dinner when you get off work?’**

 

Dean texted back and thumbs up emoji and felt happy all afternoon,

While he was driving to Cas’ place, he got to thinking. He knew he really liked Cas, He liked the time they spent together, he loved the sex… he hated sleeping alone. 

He suddenly had the thought that maybe, just maybe, he  _ loved _ Cas?

He pulled over and parked. 

Holy fuck. Was this what being in love felt like? Was he  _ really _ in love with Cas? He broke out in a cold sweat. 

How the fuck did this even happen? Dean was the get in, get out quick guy. He couldn’t be in  _ love _ . He just couldn’t. 

But the more he thought about it, the more it became clear that he was. He was fucking in love with Cas.

He started up the car and drove to Cas’. When he got there, Cas opened the door and pulled him inside.

“Dean, you’re so late, I was starting to worry. Are you okay?”

Dean led him to the couch and they both sat.

“Yeah, I’m okay, Cas, but I’m about to tell you something I’ve never said to another living human being.”

Cas waited. Dean took a deep breath.

“I love you. I’m in love with you. And it scares the ever loving fuck out of me.”

Cas grinned. “Well, I can understand that, but I love you too, so you better just get used to the idea.”

Dean looked at Cas for a long minute. “You do?”

Cas laughed that musical laugh of his and tilted he head.

“Of course, I do! Do you honestly think I’d put up with your sorry ass if I wasn’t?”

Dean smiled. “Well, probably not. But cut me some slack, this is my first time.”

Cas kissed him. Dean let himself feel, probably for the first time, how soft Cas’ lips were, how perfect they felt against his.

Cas broke the kiss, “Come on, goofy, dinner is getting cold.”

Dean followed Cas to the kitchen with a silly smile on his face. He was relieved to hear that Cas loved him too, and he was coming to terms with the fact that he loved Cas. It was weird to think about, but Dean decided to just roll with it.

Dean took a big bite of the burger Cas had made him for dinner.

“So, how does this love crap work, anyway?”

Cas rolled his eyes. “ _ Love crap _ ? Jesus, Dean, you don’t have a romantic bone in your body, do you?”

“Okay. bad choice of words. I get that. I just need more information. Like, what do you expect out of me? What do I need to do to make you happy? Shit like that.”

Cas sighed. “I don’t expect anything out of you, except to be yourself, no matter how annoying that is. And as for what to do to make me happy, how about not getting drunk and letting some stranger feel you up? That would be a good start. And oh yeah, take your antibiotics.”

Dean sighed. “I told you I was sorry about that and why it happened. You need to let that little episode go. I’m taking my antibiotics. I want to bareback as much as you do. And I can certainly continue to be my annoying self.” He winked at Cas and took another bite.

“These are delicious, by the way.”

Dean dried the dishes while Cas washed. Then they went to snuggle on the couch. Dean grabbed Cas by his shirt and they began to make out.

When Dean came up for breath, he grumbled, “I have to go home soon. I don’t wanna.”

Cas looked at him seriously. “Maybe we should consider moving in together.”

Dean was shocked for a couple of minutes. He was smart enough to not say anything while he thought it out. Cas waited patiently.

He never in a million years ever thought about living with anyone. But then, he never thought he’d be in love either, so there was that. He really did hate leaving and going home to an empty house and even worse, and empty bed.

“Okay, Cas. I think it’s a great idea.”   
Cas looked a little surprised. “Great! But I honestly thought you’d say no.”

Dean grinned at him. “I almost did, but I thought about how much I hate being in that empty apartment, and how much I hate sleeping alone, now that I’ve slept with you.”

Cas kissed Dean. “So, where are we going to live… here or at your place?”

Dean chuckled. “I’m surprised you’d even ask that. You’ve seen my place.”

Cas nodded. “So, here. How soon can you move?’

Dean thought about it. “Well, I’m not on a lease, and the place came furnished, so there’s just my personal stuff. How about this weekend?’”

Cas was overjoyed. “Okay, I’ll get some boxes after work tomorrow.”

The moving went quickly and smoothly. Dean was completely in by Sunday afternoon. He stood in the bedroom and looked around. He couldn’t get over the notion that he lived here, with Cas.

Cas called him from the kitchen. “You want to order a pizza?”

Dean walked to the kitchen, grinning. “Sounds good. Hey…” he walked up to Cas and kissed him. “I live here now. With you.”

Cas grinned. “Why, yes you do. And I couldn’t be happier.”

Dean laughed. “Wait till I get gassy, and see how you feel then.”

Cas grimaced. “Okay, mental note, no gas-producing food for Dean.”

They made love that night and it was so mind-blowing for Dean, he had to fight back tears. Cas held him after.

“Fuck. Crying during sex. That’s a real turn on.”

Cas kissed him. “It was sweet. Cry all you want.”

Dean harumped and turned over to be the little spoon.

 


	15. Chapter 15

A couple of days later, he was at work and he went to take an antibiotic and discovered it was the last one. He resisted the urge to whoop. He decided to surprise Cas.

When he got home, Cas was fixing dinner. Dean slid up behind Cas and put his hands around Cas’ waist and kissed the back of his neck.

“Smells wonderful, babe.”

Cas turned and kissed him. “It will be ready in about a half an hour.”

Dean grinned. “Just enough time for a shower.”

Dean hurried in the shower. He was anxious to get dinner over and surprise Cas. When he went to the bedroom to put on sweats, he found every condom they had and hid them..

Cas was sort of amazed at how fast Dean ate his dinner.

“You must have been really hungry.”

Dean took another big bite of chicken and said around it, “Oh yeah, I was.”

He helped clean the table but told Cas to leave the dishes.

He grabbed Cas and kissed him, slipping his tongue into Cas’ mouth.

“Ummm, someone’s horny. Is that why you ate so fast?”

Dean said in a low voice, “Yeah, I am. Come on Cas…”

Dean led a smiling Cas into the bedroom and they both stripped. When they fell on the bed together, they kissed passionately and Cas began to run his hands all over Dean.

Cas licked and kissed down to Dean’s cock. He licked up the underside, making Dean groan.

Dean lifted his legs and Cas licked over his balls and kissed under them. 

Then Cas reached for the lube and condoms. He sat up and looked around, frowning.

“Where the hell did the condoms get to?”

Dean just smiled. 

Cas moved over and rummaged through the bedside table, swearing under his breath.

Cas was getting increasingly frustrated and Dean couldn’t hold back his laughter any longer.

Cas turned to look at him, clearly angry. Dean held up his hands.

“Okay, okay, babe. Calm down. I took my last antibiotic today.”

Cas stared at him for a brief second, then he broke into a huge grin!

“Oh my fucking god! You asshole! You hid them to just get a reaction out of me.”

Dean tried to wipe the smile off his face unsuccessfully. “I’m… I’m sorry. But if you could have seen your face…”

Cas smacked him on the thigh. “I should get up and go wash the dishes just to teach you a lesson.”

Dean pulled him down into a passionate kiss. “Yeah, but you wouldn’t do that to me when you could finally fuck me bareback.’

Cas sighed. “No, I wouldn’t. Now, where were we?”

After a bit more foreplay, Cas pushed inside Dean and they both groaned.

“Fuck! Cas… it’s amazing… it feels so-so good!”

Cas nodded. He pushed in as far as he could and just held there.

“Oh my god Dean… “

When he finally began to move, Cas couldn’t believe how different it felt. He could finally feel everything… how his cock pulled at Dean’s rim, what it felt like inside Dean with nothing between them.

They hated coming that time. They both wanted it to never end.

When Dean finally caught his breath, he looked at Cas.

“That… that was fan-fucking-tastic. I can’t believe what a difference it makes.”

Cas kissed him. “Oh I agree. I never want to have to use one of those things again.”

Dean smiled. “And you never will, as long as I’m alive.”

Cas chuckled. “And as long as I can get it up.”

Dean grinned. “Oh, you will! I’ll see to that even if I have to buy viagra by the bucket.”

Cas grinned back at him. “You’re such a hopeless romantic.”

Dean snuggled up against Cas. “You know it baby.”

Dean woke up in the morning to Cas running a finger around his hole. He moaned and looked back behind him.

Cas looked up, smiling. “I woke up thinking about how awesome it was last night, and I guess I just want to go again before we have to get up and go to work.”

Dean wiggled his ass. “Sounds like a plan to me!”

They were both late to work.

Things were going along fine, when Dean got a cold and Cas insisted he take a day off. 

Cas got home and found Dean crying.

“Babe, what’s wrong? What happened?”

Dean looked up at him with tears running down his face. “I was watching this movie and it had.. It had a scene…”

Cas sat down next to Dean and pulled him into a tight hug.

“Dean, I think maybe you should see a therapist for your PTSD.”

Dean pulled away from him.

“Fuck no! I’m not going to see any therapist and cry about what happened. Oh hell no.”

Cas sighed. “I really think it would help.”

Dean jumped up. “I said no! Don’t ever bring this up again!” He stormed out of the room,

Cas shook his head. “Stubborn ass,” muttered under his breath.

Things were strained between them for the rest of the night. Dean went back to work the next day, and he didn’t come home after work.

Cas texted him about where he was and if he was okay.

He waited for over an hour, worrying himself sick. Then his phone chimed.

 

**From Dean:  Yeah, I’m okay. I’m just at the roadhouse, drinking. Don’t wait up**

 

Cas sat and stared at the text for a few minutes, getting madder by the second. He grabbed his coat and went to his car. He was at the Roadhouse a few minutes later.

When he walked in, he looked around. He finally saw Dean sitting at a table alone.

Cas walked up to him and stood with his arms crossed and an angry look on his face.

Dean looked up and sighed.

“Couldn’t just let it go, could you.”

Cas sat down. “No, I couldn’t. If your way of handling things is to get drunk, then no. I can’t just stay quiet and let you brood. Or let some random guy pick you up.”

Dean looked angry. “I wouldn’t go with some random guy! I’m with you and I would never do that!”

“Okay, good to know. But when you go to get drunk instead of coming home, it makes me wonder.”

Dean took a sip of his whiskey. “Well, I wouldn’t do that. I just want to get good and drunk and forget about all of this,”

“And has that helped in the past?” Cas looked at him sadly.

“Fuck. It never helps when I wake up with a hangover and remembering what made me get drunk in the first place. Fuck you, Cas. I’ll go see a therapist if you really think it will help.”

Cas put his hand on Dean’s. “If it doesn’t, you don’t have to go back. But you need to give it a try. Now, let’s go home.”

 


	16. Chapter 16

They found a therapist who was gay-friendly and Dean made an appointment. He found out that his insurance would pay for five visits and then on a case-by-case basis.

He left work early to go to it. Cas waited at home, anxious to hear how it went.

Dean came in and hung up his coat. He walked to the couch where Cas was sitting and sat next to him.

“How did it go? Do you like her?”

Dean smiled a little. “It went okay. I like Dr. Harvelle just fine. We just talked about why I was there. I made another appointment.”

Cas hugged him. “That’s great. I really think this is going to help.”

Dean hugged back. “I think so too. I’m sorry I was such a douche about it.”

Cas sat back. “Don’t be sorry. I know it is scary and hard. I’m so proud of you for going.”

Dean grinned. “Thank you. So, what’s for dinner?”

Dean did seem more relaxed to Cas after that first appointment. Dean made another for a week later.

This time, Dean came home somewhat subdued. Cas didn’t ask him how it went, instead deciding to let Dean tell him when and if he wanted to.

That night in bed, Dean put his head on Cas’ shoulder and sighed.

“This whole therapy thing is going to be hard.”

Cas wrapped an arm around him. “I’m sorry, but I kind of thought it would be.”

Dean laid there for a while without saying anything else.

Finally, “I had to tell her everything that happened and it made me feel sad and angry. She says that’s the appropriate response, but I hate feeling like that.”

Cas kissed him on his forehead,

“I understand, but I think you have to go through it to get to the other side.”

Dean nodded. Cas held him until he knew Dean was asleep.

The third appointment seemed to go better.

“She talked to me about triggers and how to avoid them. I can see that I’ve been doing some things that trigger me and I’m going to stop.”

Cas smiled at him. “Like watching that movie?”

Dean nodded. “Exactly.”

Cas nodded. He figured that Dean would learn about triggers from the therapist. He’d read a lot about PTSD in an effort to understand Dean better.

The next week, Dean came home from his appointment really out of sorts. He seemed angry to Cas, but Cas didn’t press him for details. Dean grumbled all through dinner and sulked the rest of the evening. 

At bedtime, Dean got on his hands and knees and pushed his ass out.

“Fuck me, Cas. Fuck me hard.”

Cas was ramming in and out of Dean about as hard as he could, but Dean just kept saying, “Harder!”

“Damn it Cas, is that all you got?”

Finally, Cas stopped. He leaned over Dean and kissed the back of his neck.

“Stop, Dean, just stop. This isn’t going to help.”

Dean caught a sob in his throat. “But I need it. I need it to hurt.”

Cas pulled out and Dean made a hissing sound.

Cas lay next to him and pulled him close.

“Do you want to talk about it?’

Dean sucked in a breath and sighed. “Not really. I just got so mad today, I felt like killing someone. I’m sorry.”

Cas kissed him. “You have nothing to be sorry for, baby. I know it’s hard. You’re doing great and I’m really proud of you.”

Dean sighed deeply. “Can we start over? I’m really horny.”

Cas smiled and pulled Dean on top of him. “Ride me.”

Dean grinned and did just that. 

The next day, Dean seemed fine. 

On the one month anniversary of the day that Dean moved in, Cas planned a special dinner. 

Dean came home and the apartment smelled amazing.

“Hey babe, what smells so good?”

Cas came out of the kitchen and wrapped himself around Dean.

“It’s a surprise. Happy anniversary.”

Dean looked confused and Cas laughed.

“We’ve been living together for one month today.”

Dean grinned. “Sappy.”

Cas just smiled, “You love it and you know it. Now go take a quick shower, dinner will be ready in twenty minutes.”

Dean kissed Cas and went to shower. When he got out, he put on sweats and a T shirt and walked to the kitchen. There was a tablecloth on the table, with candles.

Dean smiled and walked up behind Cas. He wrapped his arms around Cas’ waist and kissed the back of his neck.

“You’re right. I love it when you’re sappy.”

Dinner was amazing. There was even a fresh baked pie, but Cas said Dean had to wait until later, He didn’t want Dean to get too full.

Dean grinned. “Got plans for me?”

Cas grabbed him by the hand and led him to the bedroom. In no time, they were both naked and Dean was flat on his back with his legs spread, Cas situated in between them.

Cas lubed up his hands and grabbed Dean’s cock. He began to slowly run a hand up and down the shaft and Dean hardened in his hand.

Cas used every trick he’d ever learned. He put his fingertips against the underside of Dean’s cock and his thumbs on the top, running them slowly up and down. He held it tight and ran his hand up and down fast, using a twist on the up, and running his thumb over the tip. He squeezed under the head. In short, he drove Dean wild and wouldn’t let him come.

Dean was trashing his head back and forth, sweaty and moaning for Cas to get on with it. Cas just smiled and kept it up.

Finally Cas took pity on him and let go of his cock. He lubed up his own cock and Dean lifted his legs. Cas slid in and they both groaned.

He thrust back and forth exactly twice before Dean came like a geyser. Dean screamed a little.

By the time Cas had fucked him for a bit, Dean got hard again. 

“Fuck! You’re trying to kill me. Is it because I was grumpy before?’ Because I didn’t remember it was our anniversary?”

Cas laughed. “Shut up. Enjoy it.”

So Dean did. A lot.

 


	17. Chapter 17

Finally, it was Dean’s fifth appointment, and he was pretty sure it was his last one. Cas went with him to this one, and sat in the waiting room, reading.

When Dean came out, his therapist came too, and said they wanted Cas to join them.

When Cas sat on the couch next to Dean, Dean took his hand and held it.

“Dean has made amazing progress so far. I’m very proud of him. I just want you both to understand that it is an ongoing process. He may have some problems in the future, and if he does, I want him to come back to see me. But I don’t think there will be many, or that they will be as severe as they have in the past.”

Cas nodded and squeezed Dean’s hand. 

Dean stood up and shook her hand, and Cas followed. They both thanked her.

In the car, Dean took a long, deep breath.

“Well, here goes the rest of my life. I really want to thank you, Cas. You’ve been my strength through this, my angel. I love you.”

Cas leaned over and kissed him. “Nonsense. You did all the work and I’m so proud of you. I love you so much. We’re going to be fine.”

About a week later, Cas heard Dean on the phone with his brother. Not really wanting to intrude, Cas held back and listened.

“Yeah, Sammy, I’m doing great. All I have is good news.”

Dean paused, listening, then laughed.

“Well, I’m in love. We live together. His name is Cas.”

Then he listened again. 

“Hell yeah, I’m telling you the truth! Ya calling me a liar, bitch?”

Dean listened again and laughed again. Cas moved to the kitchen to give Dean his privacy, since everything seemed to be going fine.

When Dean walked in, he walked to where Cas was at the sink and wrapped his arms around Cas’ waist and kissed the back of his neck.

“Was it good? Talking to your brother?”

Dean turned Cas in his arms. “Hell yeah it was.”

Cas smiled. “I’m glad. How long has it been since the two of you talked?’

Dean rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, it’s been about six months now. I just didn’t call him because I never had anything good to say.”

Cas grinned. “And now you do.”

Dean kissed him lightly. “Yeah, I do. He’s coming for a visit during the summer. I told him we could put him up for a week, I hope that’s okay.”

Cas poked him in the chest. “Of course it’s okay. I’m not a monster you know.”

Dean laughed. “Well, you sure are a monster in the sack.”

Cas wiggled his eyebrows and went back to the dishes.

 

Cas had some kind of disaster at work. He called Dean to tell him he wouldn’t be home until late. Dean didn’t ask what was going on, he wouldn’t understand it anyway. He just told Cas he loved him, and settled down to watch TV.

He started to think about how much Cas did for him, how he always took such good care of him, and decided he really should do something nice for Cas. 

He rooted around in the fridge and found something to make for dinner that would reheat easily. He set about fixing the best dinner he could, and put it up for whenever Cas got home.

It was ten before Cas got home. He looked tired as hell. Dean helped him get off his coat and told him to go get comfortable. Dean heated the dinner and put it on the table while Cas changed.

When Cas came into the kitchen, he was genuinely surprised. 

“Dean! You did all this?”

Dean blushed. “Well, yeah, I knew you needed dinner and I just…” he trailed off. 

Cas hugged him and kissed his cheek. “You are the best boyfriend ever.”

“Yeah, whatever. Just sit down and eat, motherfucker, before it gets cold.”

Dinner wasn’t half bad, if Dean did say so himself.

Next he went to the bathroom and started to fill the tub. He added some essential oil stuff that Cas loved, and led Cas into the room.

Cas gawked at the tub. “Wow, Dean, this is really nice! Thank you.”

Dean undressed Cas and Cas got in the tub. He held out his hand to Dean.

“Join me.”

Dean grinned and stripped. He stepped into the tub and leaned back against Cas, who wrapped his arms around Dean.

“This is amazing, baby. Thank you.” Cas kissed the back of Dean’s neck and Dean shivered.

“Just thought it was kind of my turn to take care of you.”

“Oh babe, you take good care of me every day.”

The bath was really nice. Dean made a mental note to do that more often.

 

Things were easy between them. Dean hadn’t had an anxiety attack since he stopped therapy, and they wound each other’s lives together seamlessly. 

Summer arrived, and Sam was coming to visit. Dean shifted from foot to foot in the waiting area, looking anxiously at every person who came out of the door from the plane. Cas touched his hand.

“Relax, Dean. It’s gonna be fine.”

Dean looked at him gratefully. “Thanks, babe, I know it is.”

Then a very tall man with shoulder length hair came through the door.

“There he is!”

Dean walked up to Sam and they hugged. Cas stood back and let them have their moment.

Then Dean turned and grabbed Cas’ hand and pulled him in.

“This is Cas. Cas, this is my baby brother, Sam.”

Cas held out his hand for a shake, but Sam pulled him into a rib-cracking hug.

“It’s good to meet you, man. I’ve heard all about you, and I’m really happy that Dean has you. You’ve had a damn good effect on him.”

Cas smiled. “The feeling is mutual, I assure you. I love your brother very much.”

Cas drove them home, so they could chat. He loved hearing them give each other a hard time. Apparently, it ran in the family.

When they got home, Sam was impressed with the place. Cas had worked hard to make it a home for them. He showed Sam his room and they dropped Sam’s luggage in there.

Cas fixed dinner, happily listening to them catch up. He was really happy. Mostly because Dean was so happy. It did his heart good.

 


	18. Chapter 18

The next day was pretty much more of the same. Both Dean and Cas had taken some vacation time to be with Sam. They sat around, drinking beer and talking, telling Cas stories about when they were kids. 

Cas was pleased that Dean could talk about his childhood so freely with Sam. He laughed at the stories and held Dean’s hand.

The day became evening and then it was night. Dean and Sam were both pretty buzzed. Cas had held back on the beer, knowing that he would be in charge of getting them both to bed.

It got quiet. Then Sam said quietly, “Dean? Can I ask you something?”

Dean smiled at him. “Sure, Sam, you can ask me anything.”

Sam hesitated for a few moments. Then, “Did Dad touch you? You know… bad touch?”

Dean’s eyes got big. “Wh-what? No! What the fuck are you talking about?”

Cas was on high alert. 

Dean rubbed his hands over his eyes.

Sam looked somewhere between scared and sad. “It’s just that, I mean, I heard him go in your room at night. And most nights I heard you crying. I’m sorry…”

Dean jumped up. “I don’t want to talk about this!” He turned and went to the bedroom, slamming the door behind him. Sam looked at Cas, and Cas sighed.

“It’s a touchy subject, Sam. He’s been in therapy for it. But I know he really didn’t want to find out that you knew.”

Sam looked close to tears. “I just had to ask. I didn’t mean to hurt him. But Dad was a real bad guy, and I just knew even though I didn’t  _ know _ … do you understand?”

Cas nodded. “I do. I think it’s best if we just go to bed.”

Sam got up and went to his bedroom. Cas checked the locks and then went to their bedroom. Dean was sitting on the edge of the bed, his face in his hands.

Cas sat next to Dean and put a hand on his shoulder. Dean looked up and then at him, his eyes wet with unshed tears.

“You need to talk to him, Dean.”

Dean looked wild. “No. I can’t. I just… he  _ knew _ ? Fuck,  _ fuck _ … he knew.”

Cas hugged him, then sat back.

“He didn’t actually know, he just suspected. But he’s hurting too, and you are going to have to talk to him about it.”

One tear snaked down Dean’s cheek. “I don’t know if I can, Cas.”

Cas sighed. “The two of you could go see Dr. Harvelle, if you think it would help.”

Dean sighed deeply. “I don’t think I can do that. I’ll… I’ll talk to him. But I need you to be there too. Please, Cas?”

Cas smiled. “Of course, baby. I wouldn’t let you do this alone.”

Dean sighed again. “I don’t want to be the victim anymore.”

Cas touched his face. “You aren’t a victim. You’re a survivor.”

Dean dropped his gaze down to his feet. “Thanks. I don’t know where I’d be without you.”

Cas kissed his cheek. “Well, you’re never going to know because I’ll always be with you.”

 

The next morning, Dean and Cas were drinking coffee when Sam came into the kitchen. He looked at Dean with a sad expression.

“Look Dean, I didn’t mean…”

Dean held up his hand. “It’s okay, Sammy. I was just kind of shocked, you know? You don’t need to apologize. If anyone’s sorry here, it’s me.”

Cas got Sam a cup of coffee and they all sat at the table.

“It just hurt me that you knew, is all. I thought I’d done a better job of hiding it.”

Sam took a sip of coffee. “It wasn’t that I knew, exactly, but I heard him go into your room every night, and later, I’d hear you crying. I… I wanted to go and see if you were okay, but I was… well, I was scared.”

Dean looked sadder than Cas had ever seen him before. Cas reached out and put his hand over Dean’s. Dean looked down at them, and then at Cas. 

“Dad was a real asshole. He never was the same after Mom died. He drank too much, he… hurt me, and I fucking hate him.”

Sam looked at his cup. “I know, Dean. I hate him too. For what he did to you. I used to wonder why he never… with me.”

Dean looked at Sam with flashing eyes. “I told him if he touched you, I’d kill him. And I meant it.”

Sam sighed. “You always took care of me, Dean. You were more of a parent to me than anyone.”

“Well, someone had to. It wasn’t like Dad was going to do it. I think he’d let you starve to death if he had to be in charge. Fucker.”

Sam nodded. They sat in silence for a few minutes.

“Thank you, Dean. I never really thanked you. I love you, man.”

Dean grinned at him. “Okay, bitch, no chick flick moments.”

Sam chuckled. “Jerk.”

Cas sighed a quiet sigh of relief. It was going to be fine.

Sam turned to Cas. “I’m really happy he has you. You’ve been good for him.”

Cas smiled. “He’s a good man.” He squeezed Dean’s hand. “He’s been good for me too.”

Later, when they were alone, Cas kissed Dean. “You did such a good job, baby. I’m so proud of you.”

Dean pulled Cas close. “Thanks. It wasn’t easy, but I’m glad it happened. It needed to happen.”

Cas agreed wholeheartedly.

 

The rest of Sam’s visit was good. 

When Dean and Cas stood and watched Sam’s plane take off, Dean cried a little.

He wiped his nose on his sleeve.

“We can always go and see him sometime, Dean.”

Dean chuckled. “I don’t fly, Cas.”

Cas pulled him away by his hand. “Then we’ll drive. Let’s go grab some breakfast, what say?”

Dean grinned and nodded. “Can we go to IHop?”

Cas laughed. “Yes, we can go to IHop.”

Dean smiled. “Pancakes!”

 


	19. Chapter 19

Dean had been thinking about this for a while now. He stood in the entrance to the jewelry store, feeling lost but determined. He walked to a case of rings, and the pretty girl behind the counter smiled at him.

“Can I help you find something?’

Dean smiled back. “Uh, yeah. I want… I want an engagement ring.”

The girl smiled brighter. “Oh, these are for men only. The women’s engagement rings are over there...”

Dean shook his head. “It’s for my boyfriend.”

The girl’s smile faded a bit, but then it was back in full force.

“I see! That’s so sweet. Well, we have these…” She took out a tray.

Forty-five minutes later, he walked out with a small box in his pocket.

 

He drove himself nuts for the rest of the day, trying to decide how to do this. He still hadn’t decided when he got home.

Cas was in the kitchen, fixing cheeseburgers for dinner. He turned and kissed Dean hello.

Dean kissed back, then pulled away. “Need a quick shower. I’ll be right back.”

When he dressed in his sweats, he put the box in a pocket and walked out.

Cas smiled brightly. “Right on time. Sit and eat.”

Dean did, but his stomach was in knots. 

Cas suggested drinking a beer on the deck, and they walked out and sat in the chairs, looking at the sky filled with stars. It was one of the reasons why Dean loved this house so much. It didn’t have a bunch of lights to blot out the stars.

They sat in silence for a bit. Dean took a deep breath.

“Cas?”

Cas turned to look at him. Dean took another deep breath and went to one knee in front of the love of his life. 

Cas looked down at him with a tilt of his head.

“Cas, I love you, you know how much, don’t you?”

Cas smiled at him. “Of course I know, Dean. I love you that much too.”

Dean put a hand on Cas’ thigh. 

“That’s good, cause I’m not always so good at telling you. But I need you to know. You’re my life. You’re my heart. You are everything to me.”

Cas started to say something but Dean held his hand up.

“Let me finish. So, Cas, uh... “ He pulled out the box and held it out. “Will you marry me?’

Cas had a look on his face Dean had never seen before. His mouth opened and shut and then opened again. He reached and took the box. He opened it and closed his mouth again.

“Dean…” he whispered. 

Dean smiled and waited. Then Cas launched himself into Dean’s arms and they both fell. Cas landed on Dean and kissed him silly.

When Dean got his breath, he chuckled. “I take it the answer is yes?”

Cas was actually crying. “Yes! Fuck yes. Yes, a thousand times… yes!”

That night in bed, there was even more making out and foreplay than usual.

Then Cas stopped and looked intently at Dean.

“Dean, I want you to fuck me.”

Dean was completely taken by surprise. 

“Cas, wait… do you mean that? I mean, we’ve never…”

Cas smiled. “Yes, I mean it. I’ve been thinking about it for a while now.”

Dean hesitated. “Cas have you ever even been, you know, penetrated?”

Cas frowned a little. “Once. In college.”

“Holy fuck! And you want me to, now? Why?”

Cas said softly, “Because I love you. Because I want to have you inside me, to know what it feels like.”

Dean couldn’t argue with that.

Dean really took his time opening Cas up. 

Finally, Cas snapped, “Fuck, Dean! Get on with it. Jesus.”

Dean smiled. “Patience, motherfucker. I don’t want to hurt you.”

Cas growled. “If you don’t get on with it, I’ll punch  _ you _ in the nose.”

Dean laughed. “Oh payback, is it? Just hold on, baby, we’re almost there.”

When Dean finally slid in, he almost passed out, it was so damn good.

“Oh my god, Cas, you’re so tight! It feels… amazing, baby.”

Cas was moaning, but managed to say, “Well, it has been… oh  _ god _ … has been years.”

They were both just lost in the feelings. 

Dean was close, but he didn’t want to come first at all. He reached for Cas’ dick but Cas started to make those precious little sounds that he made right before he came, so Dean just kept up doing what he was doing. 

Cas came with a yell, cum shooting all over both of them. Dean let himself go, and he followed shortly after. He groaned and slammed into Cas, then stilled and he filled Cas with his warm cum.

It was mind blowing.

They lay tangled together, just trying to breathe. Cas pulled him in for a kiss and they panted into each other’s mouths.

Finally, Dean could speak. “Holy christ on a crimson crutch, Cas! That was….” He couldn’t even think of a word to describe it.

“How very poetic of you, love. And yeah, I agree completely. It was.”

They agreed to do that again.

 

Cas turned forty while they were planning the wedding. 

Dean was up drinking coffee when Cas wandered in, his hair sticking in every conceivable direction and a frown on his face.

“Morning, grampa.” Dean had a huge smile on his face.

“Go fuck yourself, Dean.”

Dean chuckled. “Oh I got myself a  _ grumpy _ grampa!”

Cas made a face and grumbled, “I swear to fuck, Dean…”

Dean walked over and bent down to kiss him. “I’m gonna give you a birthday blow job. Does that help.”

Cas allowed a small smile to cross his face. “It will go a long way to alleviate the hatred I feel towards you right now.”

Dean just laughed and made breakfast.

Afterwards, Dean drug Cas to the bed. He pulled off Cas’ sleep pants and Cas laid down on his back. Dean stripped and laid down between Cas’ legs. 

Dean lifted Cas’ flaccid cock and licked it from base to tip, and sat back to watch it begin to fill.

Cas moaned, and Dean licked it again. Soon enough, it was rock hard.

He teased his tongue over the tip, tasting Cas’ precum. He stuck the tip of his tongue into the slit.

Soon, he was deep throating Cas like a porn star. Cas was groaning and thrusting his hips and fisting the bed covers. Dean kept it up, even going so far as to swallow around Cas’ cock when it was in his throat and humming back up.

Cas grabbed a fist full of Dean’s hair, and came hard. Dean swallowed every drop and licked Cas through it.

When Dean moved up, he kissed Cas and fed him a little of the cum left on his tongue.

“Happy birthday, baby.”

 


	20. Chapter 20

They married in the fall. Dean wanted to get married on Halloween but Cas absolutely refused, so they settled on October first. They got married in a civil ceremony officiated by a justice of the peace. Dean had sworn that if he walked into a church, one of two things would happen. Either he would burst into flames or the minster would stab him in the heart with a stake.

Sam stood up with Dean, and their friend Benny stood up with Cas. 

Afterwards, there was a big party. All their friends were there, eating and drinking and dancing to the classic rock that a DJ was playing.

Dean and Cas had a first dance to the song, Open Arms by Journey.

There was a wedding cake and a wedding pie, specifically for Dean. It was pecan.

 

They were dancing to another slow song, when Cas kissed Dean.

“Hello, husband.”

Dean smiled. “Hey, husband.”

They stopped dancing and stood there, looking into each other’s eyes.

“Let’s go home, fuck like bunnies and start our new life, what do you say?” 

Dean beamed. “I say, that’s a damn good idea.”

 


End file.
